Amarillo by Morning

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Amarillo by Morning

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AMARILLO, TEXAS (Digital Dementia News Services) - The Amarillo Chamber of Commerce and Tourist Bureau abruptly terminated the city’s contract with the Golden Spread Advertising Agency.  Sources inside city government say officials were “gravely disappointed” by the posters and slogans that have thus far been produced by the agency. 

Golden Spread Advertising Agency was under contract to the city to help promote Amarillo tourism and convention business.  Its controversial advertising campaign has led to public outcry in this city situated on the high plains of the Texas Panhandle.  

Amarillo mayor, Randall Potter, would only say that, “Let’s just say that ‘Amarillo: The only place in the world where you can stand ass-deep in the mud and have sand blow in your face’ is not exactly what we had in mind to boost tourism around here.  It may have a certain truth to it, but it’s really not something we want splashed all over the pages of Condé Nast magazine.”  

Each subsequent promotional poster issued by the Golden Spread Advertising Agency was more abhorrent than the last.  The last straw apparently came with the publication of a poster depicting a young heifer with a suggestive “come hither” look. 

“I don’t know what the hell they were smoking down there at the advertising agency!” fumed Mayor Potter.  “Hell, that cow even looks to be under-aged!” 

Others, despite their misgivings about some of the proposed the advertising slogans, were prepared to give the promotional campaign a chance.  

“Amarillo needs all the help it can get when it comes to promoting tourism and conventions.” says Dwayne Johnson, an Amarillo resident for all of his 31 years.  “We ain’t got big city lights or lots of the other drawing cards that places like Las Vegas or Chicago or Omaha have.  Let’s face it, Amarillo is the only city in the world with a monument dedicated to an inert gas.” 

Amarillo’s Helium Monument draws an estimated 47 visitors a year. 

“Aside from the Helium Monument, the only other thing we’ve got around here to draw the tourists is the Big Texan Chophouse where you get a 60 ounce steak for free if you can finish eating it in 60 minutes or less.  Not too many people can finish it though.  I tried once.  I don’t know what the hell kind of meat that was, but the longer I chewed it, the bigger it got.  I finally had to give up.” says Dwayne Johnson.