Britney Goes Deep in Her Blog

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Britney Goes Deep in Her Blog

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Pop star Britney Spears is apparently not all glitter and gum.  The reigning queen of pop shows that she is also capable of deep, probing questions about life, love, cosmology and spaghetti.  Visitors to her blog are given a rare glimpse into what the irrepressible Ms. Spears contemplates during her private moments. 

Based on a review of her blog, it seems that uppermost on Britney’s mind are burning issues such as: 

• If the professor on Giligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix the hole in the boat?


• What exactly is Olber’s paradox and why hasn’t it been the subject of a government investigation?  I am a mother now and I can’t help but worry about this kind of shit. 


• Why is ‘military’ spelled with only one “L” instead of two but the name “Hillary” has two?  I find that terribly confusing. 


• Did Adam and Eve have navels?  If so, were they pierced?


• Why do people “take a shit”?  Shouldn’t we say “dropping a shit” or something similar?  I hate people who can’t communicate with precision. 


• Are crutons elementary salad particles?  Do they have spin, mass or charge? 


• Where can I discretely inquire about the difference between shit and shinola?  What exactly is shinola anyway? 


• Who is Anne Thrax?  Was she a botanist? 


• Why are they called “hot dogs” when they are not even made of dog meat?


• I really do know all the letters in the alphabet.  I just don’t know the letters in alphabetical order.  Is that really so freakin’ important? 


• Was it “blondes have more fun” or “blondes are more fun”?  I always forget. 


• Who did “let the dogs out”?  Nobody will tell me. 


• When monkeys fart, does it smell like bananas?


• If two gooses equals one geese, why don’t two mouses equal one meese? 


• Shit doesn’t just happen.  It’s caused by assholes.  Isn’t that right?  Always seems to happen to me that way. 


• Why is television called a boob tube?  I don’t get it. 


• Spaghetti, does it grow on vines or on trees? 


• Who the hell is Jack Schitt?  How come I seem to be the only person who doesn’t know him?


• I heard today that my aunt Agnes got picked up by the fuzz.  I pray to God that I never get picked up by the fuzz.  That must hurt so much.  Yeeeow!!!