Britney Shaves (her head)!!
LOS ANGELES (Digital Dementia News Services) – Deeply offended that she had to share the limelight with God and Paris Hilton for the World’s Worst Dressed in 2006, Britney Spears has pulled out all the stops to make sure she is in sole possession of that dubious award in 2007. Fans and critics alike were stunned when the increasingly bizarre former-teen bimbo-heart-throb showed up with a shaved head and half a dozen new tattoos.
Larry Rudolph, Spear’s manager, said, “Britney has been seeking to restore a sense of balance in her life. Somehow she got it into her head that being shaved at both ends would be a positive step towards restoring that balance. Besides, she’s always been a big fan of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Casper [the friendly ghost] and she wanted her new hairstyle to emulate her childhood hero. As for her new tramp-stamps, I can only say that they are all very tasteful and none of them contain any misspellings.”
“Britney has been on a downward spiral ever since she was 19,” sniffed David Zimmerer, president of the Britney Spears fan club, an organization whose members are deserting faster than fleas jumping off a dead dog. “At this rate, she is going to end up a freak show like Michael Jackson before she’s forty.”
Larry Rudolph denied that Britney’s being “shaved at both ends” was just a desperate attempt to restore her flagging fortunes but refused to confirm or deny rumors that Britney will soon embark on a new career as a female wrestler or that she has already signed a contract with Wrestlemania. Rudolph conceded, however, “That would certainly account for all the new tramp stamps, now wouldn’t it?”