The Bachelorette Episode 3 Recap: Jillian Dates Some Cheese-Asses
While the Bachelorette usually promises itself as having "the most shocking rose ceremony ever", Episode 3 of this season of the Bachelorette offered so much more. Our Bachelorette Jillian Harris found herself on the "most dramatic date" ever and David and Juan found themselves in the "most dramatic" confrontation ever. Not bad for what for most sane humans would consider two of the most boring hours of your life.
The show started off with 16 bachelors left vying for the attention of fair Jillian, the Bachelorette. The first date of the night went to Ed. The two were flown in a helicopter around Los Angeles and landed on top of a skyscraper. They were then asked to zipline down into a swimming pool. All told, the stunt didn't really seem all that daring. Unlike most zip lines, where people barrel down to the ground at top speed, these two were basically lowered down slowly to the ground. Afterward, they went for a swim where we learned little about Ed other than he likes to wear his watch in the pool.
The next group date featured Jillian filming some sort of fake film faux-Western. The film was like porn without those critical scenes that most people watch porn for (or so I'm told). It had all the elements: terrible actors with blank soulless stares, horrible dialogue, fake costumes and one sort-of attractive woman making out with a bunch of dudes.
The big joke was that two of the bachelors had to film a scene where they were in love, which is great since the one thing that TV will miss now that Jay Leno is off the air is obvious Brokeback Mountain jokes.
Jillian's next date was with Sasha. The two ended up in a huge garage filled with exotic cars. It's sort of what I imagine Jay Leno's garage looks like after all those years of buying vintage cars from the proceeds of his Brokeback Mountain jokes.
The two then had this weird conversation about how they were looking for the perfect soulmate, which for some reason they referred to as a "mythical unicorn." Sasha admitted that he'd never been in love before and that frightened Jillian. She refused to give him a rose because he'd never found "a unicorn." She then sent this poor unicorn-less bastard home on a bus. Anyone who has been to LA can tell you, there is no greater insult than being forced to go home on LA public transit.
Back at the house, the gang spent another night at the house. The evening is filled with drama as we learn about David's beef with Juan. During the course of the evening, David explains that he's not used to such little attention. "I'm used to being top dog," he said. Just to remind you, David is a trucking contractor from Dayton.
Juan then interrupts takes Jillian away causing David to do a slow burn. He eventually confronts Juan, telling him to "stop being a cheese-ass and be yourself." Words that no doubt thousands of Bachelorette fans will now have embroidered on a pillow.
After all the drama and acrimony, Jillian has to tell two guys to hit the road. She hands roses to everyone but Brad and Tanner F. Brad then complains that he's a drifter and that no one can relate to him.
Maybe if you weren't such a cheese-ass you wouldn't have gotten thrown off.