When President George Bush announced in 2004 that he wanted to reinvigorate space exploration, he presented a number of arguments for increasing funding but they were all rather tepid. Space exploration technology, for example, led to CAT scans and MRIs. Oh, and we got better weather forecasting.
Honestly, those are pretty weak arguments to justify an organization that gets almost $15 billion per year. Why not mention Tang and a pen that writes upside down? At least Tang is something most of us have had. I have never had an MRI.
Since then we have had some interesting projects take off; the Dawn misson to Ceres, for example, but nothing that really captured the attention of the common man. The space shuttle is, let's face it, boring.
I remember one episode of Farscape where our lead character, who piloted a ship through a wormhole and discovered all kinds of interesting things, speaks with reverence about his astronaut father who was ... a space shuttle pilot. I started laughing even though it wasn't supposed to be funny. That's how far the space program had fallen - the only recent thing that young people could idolize was the equivalent of a high-altitude delivery truck.
I know George Bush wants to recreate the excitement about space science he remembers from his younger days. He's made it clear in his expenditures. From 1992-2000 the NASA budget had declined 5% but since then it has gone up 21%. But if he's going to get people on the street excited about space he has to find a way to make it interesting to a society in which the idea of planting a flag on the moon is so ingrained that only 5 people under the age of 30 have actually watched it.
I am here to help. If he wants to appeal to people about the value of space exploration, he doesn't need to get into the specifics of understanding the evolution of the universe or of finding a new planet where Al Gore won't let us drive cars, he can go for something all of us understand; alien babes.
Let's face it, every science fiction show that caught the attention of the world (and by the world I mean, of course, young American men) had one thing in common; an alien babe.
CLICK to see larger sizes. Notice a common theme in these successful shows? From left: Slave Drusilla of Star Trek, Gates McFadden of Next Generation (I know, I know, she's not an alien but she was the hottest girl on the show), Terry Farrell of DS9, Jeri Ryan of Voyager and Jolene Blalock of Enterprise.
Heck, those Star Trek: The Next Generation people understood why Star Trek remained a fan favorite - self-assured, successful women in mini-skirts. Right out of the gate they introduced a nymphomaniac officer (oops, sorry - "empath" who counselled sexually immature humans) and they duplicated the 'babe' concept in every series after that. Farscape was absolutely littered with alien babes, including their own nymphomaniac, showing they understood universal evolution as well.
Babes motivate men - and alien babes would certainly add a little extra something to the motivations of space scientists and engineers. And by 'a little extra something' I mean ...
Yes, extra calculating power. Pervs.
Any mission statement that contains "To seek out new alien babes and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before" is going to get some funding in Congress, I can tell you that.
Now, you all know me as well as any strangers on the internet can, so you know I would rather light a candle than curse George Bush's darkness and thus I have compiled a list of the hottest alien babes we are likely to find if we send manned missions into space.
Please keep in mind these are just fictional examples. The actual women we are likely to find will be much, much hotter. So we should spare no expense. And start soon.
#10 Omay from Vampire Vixens From Venus. Yes, the movie was crap. You don't think we'll find crappy movies on other planets? I bet we will. Vampire vixens are a given.
Leslie Glass made this movie worth watching. I think. I don't know anyone who can sit through it.
#9Sun from FemAlien. Yes, the movie was crap. You don't think we'll find crappy movies on other planets? I bet we will. FemAliens named Sun are a given.
Jacqueline Lovell, who seems to have any number of alternate and/or porn star names, is worth an interstellar trip. Bonus: this movie is less crappy than #10.
#8Alraira in The Forbidden Planet - she's never seen a man except her father - and it's not the plot of a porn movie.
Did I mention Anne Francis has never seen a man except her father?
#7Celeste Martin from My Stepmother Is An Alien. Have you noticed the movies with the hottest alien babes are not very good?
Kim Basinger made 9 /1/2 Weeks yet in this movie has never had sex. I appreciate diversity.
#6Space Girl from Lifeforce. Hollywood people seem to think space is filled with hot girl vampires.
Did I mention Mathilda May is a French girl playing a naked space vampire? Does anything more need to be said?
#5Princess Aura from Flash Gordon. She made the sexiest entrance in the history of science fiction cinema.
With all respect to Ornella Muti, a sexy entrance can only take you so far - in this case to #5 on my list.
#4 Number Six from Battlestar Galactica. The greatest science fiction series of all time also has a villainess that looks like this.
My strategic advice for the Cylons; had you made all the infiltrators look like Tricia Helfer, you could have taken over humanity without firing a shot.
#3Sil from Species. These movies should always have European actresses because they love getting naked.
Sure she's a killer alien. Natasha Henstridge just needs the right man to settle her down.
#2Leeloo from The Fifth Element. Only says "multipass" yet can save the universe. She's almost the perfect woman.
Milla Jovovich is adorable in this movie. But it will take more than that to be #1.
And finally, the best space babe reason to send man into space again. There is every chance we might find ...
#1Aeryn Sun from Farscape. Because she's never too needy, has our backs in a fight and can fly almost anything.
Claudia Black is not like some of the classic beauties on this list - but she wins because in a pretty hot cast, including Gigi Edgley and Virginia Hey, she stands out as the kind of girl that every man wants; brains, beauty and wit. Congratulations, Claudia! Now if you could only bake pies.
So there you have it, 10 key reasons why people should be excited about space travel. If you have more ideas, don't hesitate to let me know. And write your Congressman/Congressbabe.
As an addendum, there are some space-related babes I thought of and then disqualified:
Darryl Hannah because she looked like crap in Blade Runner.
Both Natalie Portman and Carrie Fisher, who both looked pretty good in their Star Wars movies but let George Lucas turn them into blocks of wood onscreen. Ideal alien babes won't let hacks who Forrest Gump'ed their way into the most successful movie franchise of all time make them look like bad actresses.
Jeri Ryan - yes, she has a nice body but she's so boring in the sack she sued her husband the first time he tried to mix it up a little by, you know, taking her to group sex parties. Positively un-American.
Erin Gray because she was terrific in Buck Rogers, but not an alien. Naomi Watts, Jet Girl in Tank Girl, for the same reason.
Oh heck, the list of disqualifications is far too long. 10 great picks is plenty to debate about.