Charlie Sheen Roast Preview: Best Jokes From Comedy Central Roast
The Charlie Sheen Roast Was Filmed on Saturday, September 10, 2011. Here Are Some of the Best Charlie Sheen Jokes From The Comedy Central Roast
The much-anticipated Charlie Sheen roast was taped on Saturday, September 10, 2011.
As you can imagine, comedians had a field day with Charlie Sheen's considerable peccadilloes. The Comedy Central Roast gang has managed to tear people like David Hasselhoff and Gene Simmons a new one. Imagine what they could do with a guy like Charlie Sheen?
Several Comedy Central Charlie Sheen roast previews have popped up online, several of them leaking some of the best Charlie Sheen jokes to come out of the roast.
Here are some of the best Charlie Sheen jokes from the Comedy Central Charlie Sheen roast:
Kate Walsh: “I have to say, Charlie, you are an incredible medical specimen. I guess that’s one of the benefits of waking up every morning at the crack of crack … You know, it’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys, your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.”
Amy Schumer: “You’re just like Bruce Willis. You were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.”
Jeffrey Ross: “If you’re winning, this must not be a child-custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns—don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”
Seth MacFarlane: Charlie, you claim to have ‘tiger blood,’ but after all the porn stars you’ve [censored], it’s probably Tiger Woods’ blood.”
William Shatner: “Charlie, I’m 80 years old. You’re, what, ? How come we look like we went to high school together?”
Anthony Jeselnik: “Charlie, I don’t understand why you’re not grateful for what you have right now. I mean, after all, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.”
Amy Schumer: “Charlie Sheen is still alive! Charlie, you were amazing in Platoon. Your marriage to Denise [Richards] was kind of like her Vietnam because she was constantly afraid of being killed by Charlie ... There’s no denying how famous you are. It was international news when you ruined the lives of those two girls living with you—you know, your daughters.”
Jeffrey Ross: “Look at Brooke Mueller. She’s not very bright, unless Charlie throws a lamp at her.”
Seth MacFarlane: “Charlie has found ways to make money. He has his own iPhone app. You type in your height, your weight, your date of birth, you answer a few questions about your personality, and then it shoots Kelly Preston.”
Anthony Jeselnik: “Charlie, you are one of the dumbest people on the planet. Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that you dropped out of school faster than Casey Anthony’s kid.”