Dreaming of Sex

by Barry ORegan | October 18, 2007 at 05:17 am

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Opinion

Barry Artiste, Now Public Contributor

Canadian Polls, where Canadians choose Sleep over Sex speaks volumes of our hectic society today.

Television gives false hope to many in what seems to be TV and Movie Actors, portrayed as financially well off, fancy cars, living life like a beer commercial, complete with scantily clad women seducing their man, exotic settings, immaculate bedrooms and romantic moments worthy of any fantasy you can come up with. The mind is powerful when it comes to sexy scenarios we would like to be in. Men's fantasy's most likely are more animalistic, fast cars, James Bond, a bevy of babes. Women's fantasy's are more romantic, intimate, exotic and passionate. Perhaps all this brought on by TV and Movie "Eye Candy" giving us hope, even for a moment, then reality sets in. Reality, truth be known, especially for Parents with young children, many of us are more like Al and Peg Bundy from Married with Children, where "Sleep is King" and intimate times are when you can get it. Nothing spoils the mood more than being in bed, trying to steal a moment of passion, and oblivious to everything around you, and in the middle of it all, unbekownst to both of you, the pattering of little feet silently approaches, and climbs into bed beside you. You both sigh, stop, sexually frustrated you go to sleep. The next day at work you fantasize what could have been the night before. Some take out their lack of sex in the form of flirting, either in the office, or internet chat rooms, some cross the line getting into an affair. True, you can get a sitter the next time, but then you are just planning for Sex, instead of spontenaiety which is the "Spice of Life", isn't that what great sex is all about after all? True, young people especially those who are single have endless opportunities for sex before they settle down and have kids. In the meantime Sex for those Married with Young Children is just that, "a Fantasy".

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One-third of Canadians would rather dream about sex than have it.

Instead of diving under the sheets for naked nookie, 29% of the 1,524 Canadians surveyed in a Sun Media-Leger Marketing sex poll said they'd rather slip into something more comfortable -- more flannel, less silk -- and get a good night's zees.

That doesn't come as a surprise to the Canadian Sleep Institute's Dr. Adam Moscovitch of Calgary, who said at least 10% of Canadians are chronically sleep-deprived.

"We have a society that's experiencing a significant sleep debt," Moscovitch said. "We're sleeping 20% less than our grandparents slept."

Many Canadians are getting less than the recommended six to eight hours of slumber needed to function properly, he said.

Not surprisingly, more women, at 34%, said they'd choose sleep over sex, compared to 23% of men. This is especially true of women with young children, said Rebecca Murray of the Montreal Therapy Centre.

Meanwhile, younger respondents, perhaps cash poor with a lifetime's worth of sex before them, were more enticed by $50 over booty.

In a culture of celebrity idolatry, 42% of Canadians who answered the question said their sexual fantasies involve starlets and studlets. Interestingly, more than nurses, doctors or suited up figures in uniform, 23% of Canadians admitted to conjuring up naughty scenarios with their next-door neighbour, a la TV series Desperate Housewives.

Hussies, hunks and horny suburban wives have riveted TV viewers living in their own Wisteria Lane, inspiring fantasies about their own hulking plumber Mike, or their neighbourhood versions of the hussy Edie and glamorous trophy wife Gabrielle.

And while sexperts say fantasizing is human nature, there is a line.

"Fantasies are our own private business," said Montreal psychotherapist Jason Phelps. "It's ridiculous to tell someone they shouldn't have fantasies. But ongoing, recurring fantasies about the same person should be addressed ... If you're stalking a celebrity, for example, that becomes questionable."

Ditto for consistently fantasizing about a neighbour or co-worker, he said.

And while men expressed a desire for more amazonian sex -- more spontaneity and different locations -- the overwhelming majority of Canadians voted the bedroom as the best place to have sex at 78%, 81% of those being men, 75% of those being women.

The loo was also lieu of choice for sex for an inordinate percentage of young Quebecers (4%) compared to the rest of Canada.

As for performance, Quebecers emerged as the most confident of lovers, with one in four rating themselves as "smokin' hot." But their next-door neighbour to the west seems more insecure about its sexual prowess, where one in five Ontarians said they just "know the basics" or are "Zzzzz."

Porn also topped the list as the method of choice for spicing up sex lives for one in four Canadians. And while more men, at 25%, watch porn, women aren't far behind, with 20% of females saying they watch the adult-only stuff to get revved up.

Still, if the preoccupation with porn becomes obsessive, Phelps said it can be seen as cheating.

"Many women feel porn is cheating, and rightfully so. When it starts to involve other people, that's triangulation."