Elderly Abusing Disabled People??

"Elder Abuse" is a term to describe the abuse of elderly people. This can occur in the home (by relatives or outpatient-care nurses) or in group homes for the elderly (by employees). It's a terrible- no- horrible problem. Often these abused persons have no way of seeking help. Who would believe the "crazy old person" when telling tales of otherworldly treatment in a facility designed to care for elders when they need assistance?

It's all too true and all too real.

To make matters worse, there's another way of using the word "elderly" with the word "abuse." It is being discovered as another frightening and growing trend that elderly people are abusing younger people who have disabilities.

You read that correctly.

First, think about a few issues elderly people face:

1. Isolation and loneliness - not all elderly people have spouses or close friends, as these support persons may have died off. They're lonely and ...
   
2. Boredom - i'm sure you've had times where you felt like stomping bugs or throwing spitballs because you were just THAT horribly bored. Lack of intellectual stimulus leads to atrophy of the intellect. Combine that with number one, above, isolation and loneliness... you get lots of impulses to occupy yourself with ANYTHING, including things that... well... really don't matter. Obsessing over the lawn. Worse, things that aren't your business, like other people's lawns.
   
3. Decades of baggage - i don't mean luggage. i refer to decades of unhandled emotional problems. Problems which may have been marginal and manageable when items 1 and 2 above were not problems have a tendency to grow into monster problems. OCD, paranoia, insecurities, low self esteem, etc. These become pathological and dangerous to harmonious interaction with neighbors and family members.
   
4. Social ignorance - i do not suggest elderly people are stupid. i suggest that they are out of touch with modern awareness of things such as disabilities, which is the focal point of this article.
   

Now, instead of ONLY giving you my likely-biased personal examples, i will first bring to you the comments posted on a forum called "Butch-Femme" which deals with supporting individuals with gender role issues. They had a particularly interesting thread about cyber bullying and other types of harassment. i will quote the relevant comments below:

Quote:
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Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

hi there everyone  

... i liked the information you posted regarding PTSD as a result of bullying, because i am working right now with a housing authority, fair housing officer, legal rights, & the civil rights commission [plus more contacts], on this very issue-

senior citizens have been doing the bullying- i.e., targeting & exploiting individuals who may have serious/sensitive vulnerabilities along the lines of mental/neurological/emotional- and it's been a surreal scenario because the senior citizens are claiming "elder abuse!" they look like neatly dressed senior citizens with fearful expressions and are convincing as can be- except - they've been caught in the act with pretty heavy duty acts of discrimination...

their "deliberate" behaviours: targeting; stalking; threatening; hate-crimes; animal cruelty; discrimination; and so on- have created personal hells for their targets because it interferes not only in the victims use all common areas, public transportation, and personal safety within that particular community, it's broader still- the bullies have "recruited" people from outside of the housing community- so- the bus who picks up some of the mentally ill people for example, doesn't offer rides because the supervisor is a friend of the main bully at the residental community, who has listened to all of the gossip, accusations, and- so on...

i met and helped a woman over a year ago [reinstated transportation rights, no small undertaking! she needed the bus in order to visit the market to have food-] - she had her "rights" all along- but has a mental illness & besides the bus intimidation, had been bullied for using the sidewalk, laundry room, playing bingo, et c for come to find out- humiliated, ostracized, name-called, et c for *** 8 *** years inside [and outside] of her community- it's how i uncovered the discrimination / senior citizen bullies there-

the senior citizens would ring up the police department [and fire department] and have an officer dispatched at an odd hour to the home[s] of their target[s]- for everything under the stars, although nothing was "found" by the officer during the call... the bullies managed to further add stress/anxiety levels of the targeted individuals by disrupting sleep schedules...

patterns began to emerge - the seniors contacted the police stating they were being harrassed by the mentally ill- and feared the Victims- were out to get The Seniors !

hypervigilant- not paranoid- targets figured out whatever they were blamed for doing, is exactly what the bullies were up to- it was projected: blamed/reversed on the victims ...

the bullies are presently being dealt with by law enforcement, housing, and possibly a trial is in the not too distant future...
...
909
x
---------------------------

End Quote.

Is this story shocking to you? It wasn't shocking to me. In fact, this was pointed out to me by a friend who visits and comments on my blog. He did some searching to see if there were other examples of my personal struggles with elderly neighbors and sent me the link to 909's posting. This friend has been a wonderful assistance to me.

Another quote:

Quote:

---------------------------------------

Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

Is bullying of adults seen as a lesser crime, a lesser concern?

dear bardicsong

i found this question of particular interest - many resources/support systems often can be fairly accessible for [parents of] children &/or young adults who are experiencing victimizing- stressful-frightening- circumstances: bullying; disabilities; medical conditions; and so on...

the adult appears to have minimal apertures in some, but not all support systems- perhaps not so much with the mainstream groups for depression and/or ptsd, medical illnesses, et c... bullying , and the emotional impact [in addition to physical/spiritual/intellectual] for adults who may be dealing with a disability of some sort is more complicated at times, in actual presentation of symptoms...

the victim bullied [with or without disability] may be seen as a crazy adult who *should * know better- there are multiple scenarios whenever an individual has not the typical *coping skills * to begin with- bullying can create so many frustrations for the victim, who may be trying to stand up for herself that she actually appears as a bully...

disabled/vulnerable people are just the ones certain bullies target/seek out- there's a spectrum of bully-types, as there are people on the spectrum with autism, depression, intelligence, support systems, comprehension of what defines bullying, and more...

i sure hope this makes sense- there are excellent contributions in this thread- thanking you all-

all the best to everyone!

respectfully,
909
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End Quote.

i couldn't have said these things better myself. Just for the hell of it, here's the reply i sent to 909:

i am high functioning autistic. AS, to be specific. i was directed to your posting, 909, by a friend who is into relationships research. This is what i had to say:

"This is incredible. Just a few days ago, i went out into my back yard to pick berries from my overweighted golden raspberry bush... i was out there no longer than 5 minutes and the wacko on my right came out to harass me about my lawn (which is not breaking any ordinances), my pale of lawn pullings (it's been sitting there to dry and allow the bugs to bail out, so i can use it for mulch to keep the weeds down where i have intentionally planted stuff, like the berry bushes), and so on. i literally fear going outside because one jerk or the other will come out to harass me. i even considered calling the police to make a complaint. This woman came out no less than four times and WATCHED ME from her door, sending complaints that i couldn't and didn't care to hear. i tried to take it all in stride and just say "yeah yeah" and not even look at her, but i shouldn't even have to deal with it. i resolved to tell the next one who harasses me "Could you possibly allow me to have peace in my own yard!!!""


BOTH next door neighbors are senior citizens. BOTH of them treat me like the problem is MINE. The one on the right is OCD and cannot stand my yard. The one on the left is OCD+ other things and has harassed me, outright, while working in my own yard WITH a witness!!!

i have PTSD from a life time of mental abuse. i have insomnia and other parasomnias from the same (and from my neurology). i WAS a functioning member of society, earning a living, working a professional job training people on technology use. The straw that broke me was more like a giant redwood crashing through the back of my skull, thrown at me by people i thought were friends and professionals. My immediate supervisor at work is a sociopath. He lied to me, manipulated me, and finally harassed me to no end. The dean of our dept., his boss, told me all kinds of things to put me at ease when i finally walked off the job in tears and later came back. Months later, because i kept my mouth shut like the dean advised, SHE was spewing the same crap out of her mouth that HE had been. i was told by others at my workplace that the dean tends to believe whoever gets to her first and my sociopathic boss was ALWAYS using and abusing ANY opportunity to talk me down in front of others (since he finally had had it made clear that i wasn't going to take it from him any more).

Both bosses showed neuroracism and age-related prejudice.

i have a lot of talk about it on my blog at http://dysamoria.com , but i just wanted to say that your posting, 909, totally amazed me. It also makes me feel slightly LESS specifically targeted.

i've known for a long time how people think about neurological disorders and general disabilities and i know the elderly have an even worse viewpoint on it, as if it is a chosen lifestyle. Both next door neighbors have extreme anti-social problems and psychological problems of their own. They obsess (OBSESS) over their yards and they harass me and intimidate, and threaten me about mine. When do they do it? WHEN i'm WORKING on my yard!!!!!

i don't know why it's like this (actually i do, i have traits of autistic savant genius)... i wish it weren't like this and it's driving me insane (as if being on disability from constant social/mental abuse hasn't done enough damage). If you want to use me as a reference example of the same thing happening elsewhere, feel free to get in contact with me. The one "my age" neighbor told me just yesterday that the neighbor on my left side HATES her (this girl is, IMO, quite like myself, but she has a stronger stomach than myself and apparently doesn't let it get to her somehow).

anyway... thanks for sharing that information

dysamoria at dysamoria dot com.

i have since been harassed again. The following is an email i sent to my local police chief (and soon i will share this article with him as well. For context, the two elderly neighbors on the immediate left and right of my row home have harassed me primarily about ... my yard.

Quote:

Hello Chief,



To follow-up: my father and i worked on my yards today after i came
home from the hospital. i have cropping to do yet around plants i am
nurturing, but the yard no longer has foot-tall grass. i also edged the
front yard since the dirt was encroaching upon the sidewalk, then
sweaped-up the mess.



Yesterday, before entering my home when my dad dropped me off from the
hospital, i pulled tall grass out with my hands (while wearing my EEG)
because i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in ways
that it affects my neighbors; i don't want anyone to be required to
tromp through the grass between street and sidewalk. So, i'm actually
pretty aware of and conscientious of these things, even if i can't
always act on it immediately. i appreciate your reminder and
assistance, though :)



Also, i wanted to ask that you make a "polite reminder" to Anna that
she mind her own business. As has happened EVERY TIME that i've worked
on my yard from day ONE in Coplay to TODAY, i was trimming and she came
out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to
"talk" to me. i had ear plugs in to protect from the trimmer noise and
i KNEW she was there to harass me, so i ignored her for a minute.
Finally, after i could no longer handle her lurking and picking at the
ground, i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was standing only 1
foot from me already). i didn't even get a chance to talk before she
started "asking" if i was going to remove "those weeds over there"
(pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND,
while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY). i told her "Do you see me working
here?" She replied "Yes, but," and i interrupted by continuing "i am
working on my yard." She then started AGAIN to complain and i again
interrupted her by saying: "i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go
back to your own place." She tried to "win" an argument i was not
having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away. About 15 to 20
minutes later, while i was out front again, Anna was "conspicuously
whispering" to Rich's wife (the neighbor next door down, i don't
remember her name) and i felt that she was complaining about me because
Rich's wife politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without saying anything.
Rich's wife's kids were playing with Mary's kids. Mary and Sam are on
the other side of Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has
harassed me, in the opposite direction. Dotty has not bothered me in
months, though she did ignore me when walking past me as i was sweeping
up HER side of the cement walkway prior to making a mess with edging
(which i cleaned up).



Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. i
know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel that
her argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her
husband in the ground. Her type of behavior is extremely toxic to me
because it is exactly what i dealt with at KU. It is what i suffered
most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people
instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my
job because they cannot be satisfied. Ever. The next time she harasses
me, i will contact Coplay Police and ask to press harassment charges
against her. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like
this, whether they are "old" or not. She's OCD and passive-aggressive
and it's not an "old age problem" alone. It's an anti-social disorder,
as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part in trying to fit into
society. i don't see why i should suffer the anti-social harassments
and abuses of people who skate just along the edge of legality when
they strike just because they're old or not breaking the law
conspicuously. i do believe i have the right to live and work in
non-hostile environments. My right at work was violated. i don't want
to continue having it violated in my own yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with
the requirements of the society.



Please forgive my complaining nature. i'm not directing this at YOU in
any way other than "you're the person who deals with the community as a
member of the social support structure." i blame nothing on you or on
Coplay. i blame poorly "trained" individuals who wont allow other
individuals to live without harassment; you're not one of those problem
individuals. i appreciate your help and your communication VERY much
and hope that we can continue to maintain and grow our understandings
of each other.



OCD reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD

Passive-aggressive reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggression#Common_signs

These and this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malicious_compliance are several of
the things that abusive people have demonstrated while abusing me in my
lifetime, among others, like sociopathy (not
a great reference but best i could find at the moment since WikiPedia
refuses to acknowledge it just like the DSM-IV TR).



Thank you for your time, your consideration and, most importantly, your
patience.



-jace



p.s.: my EEG gear looks like this:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3111/2528464721_576de8328a_b.jpg

and i've updated my blog with a similar account of events... don't know
if you still check it out or not.

End Quote.

Interesting? Boring? Sorry. Go read other stories about bombs and politics.

Unbelievable? Sorry, but it's all too real. i used to think that, were i in a wheelchair, people would be more patient and kind to me because they could SEE my disability. Maybe that's just not true. Maybe there are some people who just will never care about another person outside their own personal interests. i mean, wouldn't you stop and think a moment after your neighbor has posted signs on his door about not being able to tolerate further abuse and then when seeing that same neighbor wearing an ambulatory EEG on his head with a recorder on his hip... would you be more likely to show patience or would you just assume the guy is "a crazy adult who *should * know better??"

Human beings have a terrible habit of abusing members of their own species and their own communities. i fail to see the relevance in excusing anyone for age. Being impolite and rude is a little more universally understood than "autism," so why do so many people fail the most basic of rules of engagement when interacting with other people?