Game of Thrones Attack Ads: Where's Joffrey's Birth Certificate?
Birthers Attack Joffrey Baratheon! Robb Stark's Competence Questioned! Daenerys Targaryen Dissed!
One advantage of living in Westeros is that rulership of the kingdom is assumed by force. This means that there's no agonizingly long campaign season. No shady super PACS with innocuous names and inevitable connections to the Koch Brothers. However, what if the world of Game of Thrones had political attack ads? What would those ads look like?
Mother Jones stepped up, gringing us three Game of Thrones attack ads revealing deep levels of geekiness in the process. The results: lots of platitudes, simplistic arguments, shitty Photoshop, and specious claims:
- Joffrey Baratheon's birth certificate: Joffrey looks nothing like his dad. However, he looks exactly like his mom and uncle. Joffrey's opponents (i.e. everyone) want his true nature revealed, thus de-legitimizing his rule. Actually, as far as attack ads go, this one is based in reality. Joffrey is a motherfucker, but his mother is a brotherfucker. Fact.
- Robb Stark's status as King of the North: This one's some Fox News shit. Osha is not an illegal alien: she was brought into the Stark household in broad daylight. Also, no evidence exists, or was even suggested before this ad, that Robb Stark eats dead bodies. Furthermore, protecting The Wall is the duty of the Night's Watch, which is devolved from the government of Winterfell. Read some recaps, dumbasses.
- Daenerys Targaryen: Challenging the mama of Team Dragon Mama is a tough sell. Sure, her only claim to leadership is that she was sold as a rape-puppet to Khal Drogo, but since then she's survived a big-ass bonfire and hatched some badass dragons. Daenerys Stormborn has also led her people through the figurative and literal desert, and defeated Skeleton David Blaine. If Daenerys were overthrown, there's no clear leader for Team Dragon Mama. Who's involved in this "Committee to Protect Dragons", anyway? I bet it's the same douchebags who killed Daenerys' messenger early in Season 2.
Check out the Game of Thrones political attack ads below. Also, here's something to ponder: if ravens deliver messages, would pigeons deliver spam?