Heterosexual Pride Month
Obama came through on his campaign theme of 'equality' Monday by proclaiming June as "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month". Obama lauded what he calls "the determination and dedication" of the LGBT movement.
In the same spirit of equality, I'd like to propose July to be designated as Heterosexual Pride Month in hopes of drawing attention to and appreciation for traditional moral values and marriage as practiced by heterosexuals. Heterosexual Pride Month could be an occasion to focus on the joys of being heterosexual and monogamous. And the determined and dedicated Americans who practice both.
Heterosexuals, whom I'll call 'happies', seldom have their voices heard or their sexual practices mentioned. Although a majority of Americans are happies, they are loath to flaunt their bedroom habits in public. Blame an ingrained sense of outdated modesty.
Most happies are advocates of traditional marriage and cling to the notion that sex should be a private affair. Some even believe that sex is a matter between a man and his wife and believe the government has no right to dictate or influence what they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms.
Some happies go even further and believe that God made Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve) for a darn good reason. Most happies also believe that their sexual habits should not be thrust into the faces of those who feel differently. They call it, well, just good manners. Both of these views would be excellent topics for discussion during Heterosexual Pride Month.
Since the traditional family has long been considered a vital component of civil society, we could also use Heterosexual Pride Month to emphasize and explore the social compact that traditional marriage used to signify.
Now that Obama has brought tolerance back into vogue, I recommend using Heterosexual Pride Month as an occasion to voice the legitimate moral objections many Americans (57%) have to gay marriage and the plethora of sexual practices that Obama, in the name of equality, is demanding all Americans not only accept, but endorse.
I'd be willing to host a discussion on the topic of homophobia, and explore why 98% of happies are automatically labeled homophobic if they dare to comment on what they legitimately consider an aberrant lifestyle.
Another panel discussion during Heterosexual Pride Month could deal with wether or not gender should be optional. We could then explore the harmful effects of indoctrinating impressionable young children into the idea that gender and/or sexuality is merely a lifestyle option. Special emphasis could be placed on the documented detrimental effects of the gay lifestyle.
We could then go on to discuss the physical and mental health implications of gay vs. happy, and finish off with a quick overview of the Constitution and the role of government in dictating moralality.
Heterosexual Pride Month will necessarily present quite a challenge, as many heterosexual couples these days are so busy working to pay their taxes and raising children that many of them just don't have the time to devote to activism.
Besides, most happies believe its not right to force their views of marriage and happiness on others. On this point, President Obama concurs. Just last Monday he said that the United States cannot impose its values on other countries. I'm sure he also meant 'on other citizens.' This could be another excellent topic for discussion.
In the spirit of inclusion, I'd like to extend an invitation to the LGBT movement to join us happies in making Heterosexual Pride Month a reality. With all of us working together we could have a real multicultural event with lots and lots of dialogue.
You may RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org Looking forward to a rollicking good time.