Mom gives bullied son OK to fight back

The reason for learning a martial art or sport is to protect one's self or just for enjoyment.of the art. Learning to defend himself would of been a better option than learning to kick the snot out of another child bully or not.

This is definitely not a solution to the problem of bullying. The 'problem' continues to present because it has not been resolved effectively! That problem is very often an ineffective administration who lack the knowledge and skills necessary to effectively deal with bullies, or who are simply looking the other way.

Too, any parent who encourages this type of response needs redress. Parents should understand that schools have to provide a safe environment in which their child(ren) can learn. My advice to parents whose children are being bullied: Get a lawyer, ASAP!

Why can't schools simply control students?  No one should have to practice kick boxing etc. simply to go to school.  What if one is a pacifist?  :(

Pacifists are usually the ones getting the snot kicked out of themselves. Bullies smell that a mile away

It sounds like his mom's gene pool needs some cleaning out.

Mom is right. We all need to be able to defend our selves and what you see in the schools is a fear of lawsuits.

Put your hands on a child to stop a fight and it gets turned into something else.

Roy, I don't agree that "Mom is right." Even though I agree that all of us need to be able to defend ourselves, to learn self-defense for the reasons stated here, and worst yet condoned by a parent, is not the solution to make the school environment a safe place in which to learn. This young person will also find himself held accountable up to, and including, possible suspension.

Again, this thinking needs redress. Also again, mal-administration runs rampant, and that is the problem ---often hidden, ignored, and/or covered-up.

I think it was right for the mom of this kid to put him into kick-boxing but I don't think giving him permission to "kick the snot" out of another kid was the best response. Things get out of hand when parents encourage this behaviour. A lot of the time there are way more kids than teachers can handle/supervise so a lot of bullying gets pushed under the rug.

Mike Klander

I often wonder if its the kids that bully that are at fault or their parents?  

Martial Arts of self defence,are a good sport. However I have to say I dont think Violence is ever the answer to any problems,all it does is escalate more violence.

Bullying with never be addressed until we see it for what it really is - a power trip.

This isn't just a matter of a kid going to school and having a fight, this happens in the workplace, too.

Was the mum right in saying that her son should fight back - well, some may be surprised in me saying yes she was. Sometimes there is a line that cannot be crossed and a bully having a bloody nose works - but that is only sometimes.

I was in a situation at school where I was picked on; on a daily basis - one day I decided I had had enough - I fought 5 guys at once, I lost, but after that day I was left well alone - was that the best scenario, certainly not, I didn't want to go through all that to be left alone - I wanted an adult to stop it.

What we do see is that bullying is a matter of the weak picking on the weak, weak minded picking on weak willed - this could be the case - but one thing the bully never had was someone to teach them that there is an alternative to their behaviour - some, and I say this in a generic term, conservative thinkers think it wrong to take the bully out of the situation and show them that alternative, that, in their eyes, is pandering to the bully.

Yet, if we can show the bully that positive alternative and then bring them back into a school where they can perform - and obviously apologise - to the best of their abilities what is wrong with that?

Discipline isn't just taught at the wrong end of a cane - it is inside knowing what is right and wrong, and if kids are not taught what is right and wrong they will never have any discipline - ever.

This mother knows that she cannot protect her child 24/7 so she wants him to protect himself, as it should be - it is the whole system that has fail both children, that is what we need to address.

Martial Arts is not just a form of 'violence', sometimes it is about 'controlling your anger', and 'self control'.  I would agree that the child must find some way of getting confidence for himself, and this can happen in various ways.  As for the mother, I don't think she 'gets it', but at least she is aware and 'acting' on it. No doubt the martial arts teacher will be strict with the pupil, after all, it can be used 'as a weapon', and should be respected.

I was bullied and my parents'told me to ignore it'. That was the worst thing ever.  I think if the child 'understand how the bully' ticks, it helps. After all, the bully is often much weaker than the victim, and he or she is very scared on their own.

I do think that the teachers need to act more and schools should have people in the class 'to be a bully monitor'.

Interestingly, I think if the victim does start to stand up for him/herself then the bullying may subside. However, on the other hand, now the victim is no better than the bully. So, what really works is for the bystanders and the victim to verbally refuse any bully behavior. If all kids would reject violence then maybe this would not be an escalating problem. Bystanders should be just as responsible for watching and doing nothing.

Re: "This is definitely not a solution to the problem of bullying...." etc, AND "What if one is a pacifist?" AND "...mom's gene pool needs some cleaning out." AND "...I dont think Violence is ever the answer to any problems,all it does is escalate more violence." AND "...now the victim is no better than the bully."Oh, puh-leeez! Self-defense is a fundamental human right. To say that humans can not defend themselves is to make us less than animals, since we do not figure it unnatural for animals to defend themselves. We expect cattle not to defend themselves, though, at least from us. We want them helpless so that we can harvest them to our own gain. Are we humans, then, to be cattle, pacified, docile, unthinking? Are we to be at the mercy of any who would make themselves our master? That's what bullies are: people who would make themselves someone else's master by force. But this mastery relies on the acquiesence of the cattle, er, subjects. What is the solution to shaking off the self-proclaimed master? Self-defense is always a solution to bullying.  History bears this out on large scale and small. WWII may be overused to illustrate this, but that is because it so apt an example. Treaties were made with Hitler, concessions given, peace proclaimed, infractions overlooked, and stated intentions ignored...and he just kept taking more and more. When did he stop? He didn't. He was stopped. Violently. And you know what? The violence ended. Violence solved the Nazi problem. What stopped the Soviets from marching through Europe? The threat of violence. What happened to states that could not defend themselves? They were swallowed up and lived behind the Iron Curtain for generations. Pacifism does nothing but proclaim one to be a safe target. On the small scale I had experiences similar to that of The_Cynic. Once I went from a private school to public school I was bullied a lot. I was different from most of the others. One time I was punched from behind in the kidney resulting in an infection. There were many other things, but I don't like to fight, and I don't like to get hurt or to hurt others, so I put up with it for far too long. This was seen as weakness and the bullying got worse and worse, until one day I had enough, and when I was punched I punched back. The resulting fight was broken up before there was a winner, at least of the physical fight. In reality I won. I won over a year of peace. I won respect. I won self-respect. Three times the cycle repeated: bullying until I had enough, a fight, peace...for a time. Strength was respected, not acquiesence. I never lost a fight that I participated in, but I lost many that I did not participate in. My experience in this is far from unique.

Okay there Pauldst, this is a comment section, not a War and Peace Novel of biblical proportions, so in 10 words or less, give us the gist of your theory!

I was bullied for a while in grade school.  My parents got me into self-defense classes.  It went really well in the end.

Bullies simply can't be reasoned with because of their limited cognitive abilities.  The only thing they understand is a punch, kick, whatever, to the face. 

Of course the administration should be on the side of the victim, but they are busy covering their rears from lawsuits.

regardless that the law or the land failed to protect the victim in the first place.

One of my son's was bullied by a classmate in elementary school while walking home from school.  I called the school to report it, and they said once a child leaves the school grounds, there is nothing they can do. I could not believe what I was hearing, but I did not encourage my son to fight back.  I told him I would pick him up from school for a while, which I did.  This seem to divert the bully from following my son home from school.  However, the damage was done.  My son became fearful because of this, and even to this day--he is an adult now--he can relate his fear from the incidences. 

I am not sure that teaching them to respond to violence with violence is the answer, just for the reasons you gave Barry.  Who is to say if the bully will get a gun or a knife next time?  We don't want children to be victims, but we don't want to teach them to be criminals either.