New Year Resolutions

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Thought I would catch all of you before you slip into the festive mode!

Whether we are good or bad (Shakespeare may not have approved this statement) we all have an inner urge to improve ourselves. All of us want to be good but if we are bad, it is because the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!

New Year provides just the kind of opportunity one needs to improve oneself. That is why we religiously make resolutions on the New Year eve and break them the very next day!

Once a chain-smoker resolved that he would quit smoking in the New Year. The next morning, on the way to his bus stop, he passed the kiosk that sold cigarettes. As resolved, he did not stop for a smoke this time. Surprised, and fearing loss of business, the shop keeper called out to him: “Please have a look, Sir, I have brought some new stuff. It’s imported.”

This guy thought for a moment. “If I stop now, I’ve really had it,” he said to himself. Without breaking his steps, he replied: “No, no…I’ve given up smoking,” and he kept walking.

Ten paces down the street, his fingers twitched. He was in a dilemma. There was a short session of “yes-yes” and “no-no” between his resolution to quit smoking and his urge to try out the imported cigarettes the shopkeeper was trying to tempt him with. He stopped, turned around and walked back to the kiosk. “Let me see those imported cigarettes,” he said to the shopkeeper. And, his New Year resolution went up in smoke!

The favourite New Year resolution of rich alcoholics is to quit drinking in the New Year. Perhaps, they make the resolution while they are still drunk. That is why they never get around to doing that.

Talking of drinking, there are those who resolve not to drink even a drop (of water) because its quality is suspect. A generous mix of alchohol might reduce its germ content and make it more agreeable to the system!

Womanisers are always weak at heart. On a New Year eve, one of the breed resolved: “I shall not even look at other women. Soon he realized that the resolution was a big blunder. In no time, he modified his resolution thus: “I shall not look at older women. Who wants to look at those old hags anyway? But, those cute little things that move around on shapely legs are quite an exception. After all, it is the exception that proves the rule…isn’t it?”

There was an absent-minded couple. The wife felt guilty about cheating on her husband and resolved on the New Year that she would never again cheat on her husband who was so innocent. Unknown to her, her husband who too was cheating on her, decided to give up the bad habit. That night while they were enjoying themselves, there was a knock on the door.

The wife whispered with a sense of urgency: “Get out fast…looks like my husband is back.” In the confusion, the husband gathered half the clothes and jumped out of the window. So much for New Year resolutions!

Neck-deep in corruption, a politician made the mistake of making a resolution that he would not accept any bribe in the New Year. A few days later, when a hefty bribe came his way in the guise of a New Year gift, he grabbed for it. He quickly gift-wrapped his New Year resolution and passed it on to an upcoming politician!

Resolutions apart, let me wish all of you a very happy and prosperous New Year.  May the Lord fulfill all your dreams in the coming year!