Not A Cougar
So, I am about to turn ‘The Big 40’...I always figured this would terrify me, but I'm weirdly excited. My daughter -Taylor is now 22 she is mature and responsible, and doesn't need my time much. So what now? I've identified as being “a Mom” for over 2 decades now, and I've been single the entire time. When my daughter was younger I dated -but only sporadically, focusing on raising my child, car pools, driving to practises (of varying kinds), encouraging her in her scholastic endeavours, the whole gamut of motherly interaction. I honestly didn’t have much time to devote to myself, even with only one child, but I didn't mind; any mother worth her salt will tell you that their children's happiness is their number one priority regardless of the age of their children.
Now What? I'm young, attractive, vital, and full of piss (lots according to the #of times I get up in the night) & vinegar....what's a gal to do? So I'm going on a search to redefine myself, embrace my new age, my freedom and my womanhood and I'm looking for sisters along the way.
I am blessed to know so many amazing women that are over 40, yet when you Google search “women 40-65”all you come up with is a million articles on Urinary Tract Infections and Breast Cancer, that's ridiculous! Women of this age group, especially nowadays live very full lives, yet are totally ignored by almost any industry but wrinkle cream & incontinence pads! Where are the targeted: travel expeditions, advice columns & self improvement sites? Sure some use incontinence pads but maybe it's because we're laughing so hard enjoying our new found freedom. We don't want to be defined as some dried up husk (post-menopausal), incontinent, boring, cat loving (not that I have anything against cats), & frumpy (wearing sweat shirts with teddy bears & flowers on them! ) old ladies devoid of any residual usefulness to society.
We are urban, hip, educated. intelligent, wise, fun loving, belly dancing (insert appropriate type of dancing); sexy and confidant, but PLEASE DON'T call me a Cougar! Yes, I suppose they do exist, I heard on “Entertainment Tonight” that according to Hulk Hogan- his wife is dating a 19 yr old pool boy! Have you seen Mrs. Hogan? Let's just say she's not very subtle...and leave it at that.
In recent years, maybe with the advent of the first “American Pie” film the term ‘MILF’ was coined. There were and still are sites upon sites on the net dedicated to the subject of ‘MILF’ (Mothers I'd like to Fuck), most of them porn sites. It's a phenomenon! But while mildly complementary it is also, to women with a goodly amount of class, somewhat offensive. You may like to 'nudge nudge – wink wink' me, but if you're 22 and the same age as my child you are never going to get the chance, so just keep walking (or skateboarding – recently experienced)!
Young men ACTAULLY believe we're going to be just like “Stiffler's Mom”, WHY? because you saw it on some sleazy porn site? Get real Kiddo, those are set ups! (Yes I've seen them, I'm not shocked, but it's not reality) Women who you can pick up at the bar, regardless of age, are called something much different! They are called (clearing throat) women with low self esteem, among other things; which I don't need to say, since they do not advance womankind....
Now we have the term “Cougar” to battle! While we are attractive and take care of our selves any woman with self esteem may find it pleasant to be approached by a young handsome guy, but when they are assuming that you are in the market for hook-ups...it’s offensive! There are Films, TV series in production now, books and articles, and even dating sites & porn exclusively dedicated to the stereotype of 40+women as Cougars...I've even recently read a disgusting article that European women are engaging in “sex-tourism” with young African men, ACK!
I had no idea a few weeks ago when I changed my Twitter name to “@NotaCougar” that I was being topical, recently a piece on ‘Cougars’ on the Huffington Post Blog entitled “Cougars & MILFS Rule” caused some uproar when they included First Lady Michelle Obama in the article. Are we to assume Michelle Obama is on the hunt? Pretty tasteless, yet I can’t help but feel the uproar was mostly from someone who had a related site to get some media attention; if not why is it these terms are not appropriate for the US First Lady but okay to call average ladies over 40? (for the record most of the 40+ women blew away their younger competition in the article)
What people and especially men need to think of is how would they feel if someone called their Mom a MILF or a Cougar, that puts it in an all new perspective doesn’t it? We are Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, and terms like ‘cougar’ downplay all that women have achieved in such little time. Not long ago we had very few rights, now we are world leaders in every industry, and the word ‘cougar’ doesn’t do us any justice at all!
My daughter is always complaining about her friends gossiping & cutting each other down constantly behind their backs; I told her “when you get to our age that doesn't happen (much) because we don't put up with that type of behaviour”. If we had a friend like that they wouldn't be or friend for long and see how destructive this behaviour is to women in general. We “Not a Cougar’s” have “self esteem and if they don't... then they need to work on themselves and not use others to try and boost theirs! We are wiser now, and leave the insecurities to younger women.”
What I want women to know is you are not alone, you have all of us, and together we support one another, build friendships, offer advice and wisdom and then... take over the world! NOT A COUGAR POWER! TWANDA!
I hope I can dedicate this blog to addressing issues of relevance to 40+ women: fashion, travel, lifestyle, art, advocacy, beauty, culture, education, empowerment, films, finance, fitness, relationships & dating, lifestyles, music, nutrition, rejuvenation, self-improvement, social media, travel, women's health. WOW! That’s a pretty comprehensive list! If you want to contribute please email me. I feel this could be amazing, yes it can.
Little more about me: I'm a horticulturist, amateur nutritionist/ herbalist, former radio reporter, student, belly dancing, yoga loving, general science geek (from organic chemistry to physics), music (indie/punk to opera/classical) lover, not a hippy or a socialist (maybe a tiny bit, not overtly so) mother of one child in University and I'm in the process of changing my career & actively learning more about pretty much almost everything. I have a great group of friends, we are all active in the volunteer sector on top of having demanding careers, my gal pals are all educated, caring, and outgoing; some single, some married, all remarkable & we take care of one another. I have a wealth of 40+ women in my realm I can draw on as a resource and support, and so can you via notacougar.com