Popcorn to be Sold at Michael Jackson's Memorial? Let's Hope So.

With today's Michael Jackson's memorial confirmation date, a couple thoughts come to mind.

First, what a fitting venue to tribute a man who ceased to be human the day he put on that sequined glove (around the time Thriller sold 500,000,000,000 copies, right before his head caught on fire).  He was far too peculiar to mingle with Ordinary Humanity. He was as disconnected from us as a stadium is from the natural world. So, it wouldn't be right to have a typical memorial service for him – that is, in a church or a garden or wherever.

He was and artist– a stadium-packer – a shameless promoter of himself and of giant corporations – so it makes sense that this public memorial should happen at a venue sponsored by a behemoth distributor of pens and paper, one of the few venues in L.A. that could safely house the scores of mourners.

Second, we can only assume that popcorn and beer will be served at the memorial. Hotdogs too. And since Michael Jackson is supposedly worth more than he is dead, the Staples Center can expect to sell record amounts of junk food.

The memorial should mirror a Jackson concert: dancers, musicians and lavish stage production.  Sequined outfits and plenty of ah-hee-hee-ing.

This shouldn't be hard, since the Staples Center was where Jackson had been practicing for his 50-date residency in London. And Jacko wasn't without his dedicated fan base of professional musicians; people who, hopefully, won't miss out on the opportunity to perform at the Grand Spectacle's farewell.

And with that should come the "Remember Michael Jackson" t-shirts to be sold for $49.95 at designated locations throughout the arena. They should not feature MJ's death photo, but rather a tasteful image of him pointing the sky or, perhaps more representative of character, grabbing his crotch. Or maybe just of him smiling during happier times.

No expense should be spared at this memorial, either by the producers or by the public at large. Tickets should be sold for a handsome price, but all guests should be provided with MJ goody bags made from the newsprint of his death coverage, stuffed with CDs, postcards, key-chains, etc.

Michael Jackson was a star. He is now a legend. Let's send him off the best way the America knows how: with a fantastically bloated production that will cost more than it would to feed all of Bangalore for one whole day. He would have wanted it that way.

If you disagree, maybe this will change your mind.