PVR Love: How network programming finally came home

by AdFool | April 15, 2011 at 12:42 pm

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Back in the early eighties, Friday nights were sacrosanct. Nothing – and I mean nothing – could ever be allowed to preempt the Incredible Hulk/Dukes of Hazzard programming block that ran between eight and ten pm. All conflicting appointments, obligations and assorted events had to be scheduled with the clear knowledge that any infringement on the sacred ground of primetime would result in more painful objection than doing otherwise was worth. Accordingly, as a family we spent most Friday nights at home, tethered to the sofa.

And it was ridiculous. The idea that a group of network suits had the power to freeze the North American populations in place by virtue of their television scheduling alone was shocking. Were we so enamored of our habits and pleasures that we would be so willing to trade large swaths of our personal freedoms to keep them? Obviously - because Mr. Magnum PI didn’t get huge because free-thinkers like you and me skipped our Thursday night viewing and went camping at Yellowstone instead. We stayed planted and the networks made the decisions for us. It’s no wonder TV people wind up with such freaky God complexes. Simon Cowell didn’t get to be knob he is by accident.

As the years went by, we, the consumers took various stabs at rectifying this clear power imbalance through our attempts to enjoy televised entertainment. We tried servicing our TV needs with re-runs (I’ll just catch the show later). Well, that didn’t work because it was often months before that one episode of The White Shadow came around again and they would always play them out of order, screwing up the narrative and making me wonder is Coach Ken Reeves was just hired, about to be fired or simply in the midst of yet another round of continuity confusion. Later on, we got video recorders. And they were okay at first but programming a VCR to tape a show was akin to setting the launch codes for a Mars lander. This meant that most times an attempt to record Fantasy Island resulted in securing the last five minutes of Three’s Company instead (spoiler warning: no matter what ever happened to Jack, Janet & Chrissy it was all just a series of misunderstandings...). Our best hope, as always, was abstinence and unfortunately the likelihood of that ever winning the day was slim to none. For every Fall Guy I’d sit through several years of Sherriff Lobo and Archie Bunker’s Place looking for love. No, abstinence wasn’t ever a true option.

Enter the PVR. Finally, some seventy years on, we the people actually have a shot at reclaiming the freedoms lifted from us so very long ago. The PVR is an invention that only now is coming into its own as mass adoption is finally starting to take hold. Network schedules will soon be rendered meaningless as our in-home entertainment butlers do their jobs efficiently by finding the shows we want and holding on to them until we are ready. No jumpy tape lines, poor sound dubs or confusing codes to memorize. Just point and shoot, leaving a whole mess of entertainment carcasses bled and hung in storage until we’re ready to eat. Talk about yum! Truly, the dawn of the PVR is a momentous event in the vapidly hollow lives of doughy humans like me everywhere.

In all fairness, a PVR really does change your life. I can personally attest to the time-saving beauty of declaring your televisual wants for the next month and then forgetting them – only to return at the exact moment in time you can begin watching – and heartily enjoying – your recorded feast. I have become my own network programmer – and unlike Jerry Zucker, my programmer makes allowances for crying kids, staggered nap times and a painfully shy bladder. It’s about as close to Heaven as circuit boards and plastic will allow.

There’s a spot for New Zealand’s mySky TV PVR service that highlights perfectly just how much your life will change through PVR ownership. The spot details sixty things (in sixty seconds) that a husband could be doing versus watching TV the old way and waiting for the shows they want. The commercial is pretty funny – and more than a little sad too when you actually consider how pathetic we as humans really are - but it recognizes correctly just how much more personal control the adoption of the PVR technology brings to lives that have been programmed by others for generations. It’s a brave new world and as I stare lovingly at my PVR I’m almost giddy at what I might actually do with all the previously wasted time I now save. Perhaps I’ll learn a new language, or embark on some extreme adventure that involves neoprene and hydra-packs. Then again, I heard AMC is re-running Breaking Bad from the very beginning. Hang on for a second. I’m going to set that series in my PVR just in case I have some free time to watch it.....