Russian Countess, Katya Fluffs Up the Balls for Xmas

Dateline: San Francisco

by Lee Hartgrave, MegaMediaStar

A COUNTESS FLUFFS UP THE BALLS FOR XMAS

COUNTESS KATYA SMIRNOFF – SKYY claims the she is the reigning diva of the Russian opera world. But, she took the time to come to San Francisco to entertain us with her Russian holiday spirits (Vodka). “Daaarlings…I know you love me – and that’s what I love about you Daaarlings!” 

She loves us so much that she passes around some small samples of her homemade Vodka. As Kayta tells everyone to sip a toast with her, she makes a face and says – “Oh, you made it too strong. You know if I screw up my face – it must be bad. But, I drink it anyway Daaaalings, it makes the show go faster.”

Katya engages us in fascinating stories. She tells us that her and Eartha Kitt were friends and in Paris they sang together. “They called us the Kitty Cats. We were inseparable.” She also says: “I just finished a run as Eva Peron in Evita.” Katya may or not be Russian, but she (HE) really has the accent down perfect. And there is no doubt about it – Katya is stunning, in her expensive dresses and Gowns designed by Mr. David. She wears a White Fur Stole and a White Muff in one segment along with a flowing white Gown. She looked like Christina in “Phantom of the Opera”.  And it’s only a matter of time that she probably will tell you that she was in that also.

Not only does she have fantastic costumes, she has on enough Jewelry to sink the Titanic. In fact, knowing her, she might have even dived down to the ruins of the ship to retrieve the Russian Baubles. They sure do shine. Of course being Royalty – what could you expect?

She sings pop (The Tina Turner song ‘Rollin’); Opera (Musetta’s song from La Boheme) both were fabulous. Katya has a great vocal range. After the intermission – a latecomer wandered in. Tatya gave her that Royal look of disdain, and said: “O.K. come in and find a seat. You must have one. Find it!” Then she looks at the audience. “It’s all right that I make fun of her – she is my dresser and helps me backstage”.

She gives new words to some of famous songs like the Gershwin’s  “Who could ask for Anything More?” She starts out with “I’ve got Smirnoff, who could ask for anything more?” The Countess does change the words to many songs – and they are just hilarious. Now here is a little secret. Katya is the creation of Bay Area Native, J. Conrad Frank, who received his vocal training at the University of Oregon.

The show is called “A Red Christmas” – and is meant to Jingle your Balls. And that it does. The Direction by Andrew Nance is sizzling. Of course Katya kind of runs amok at times with some adlib stuff that surprises everyone. She throws candies out to the audience in the front row. If they were still on the table while she was nearing the end of the show – she scooped them up for the next show. Just because you’re a rich countess, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be frugal. KATYA IS TRANSFIXING in more ways than one.

This is the biggest Xmas Celebration in town. There are sparkles, snowballs, Jingle Bells, and Bells from every country you can think about. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if Katya wouldn’t end up with the ROCKETS! 

THE MUSICAL DIRECTION IS BY THE TALENTED JOE KANON. SPECIAL LYRICS/MATERIAL WRITTEN BY J. CONRAD FRANK AND JOE KANON. Lyrics for the alternative holiday Nutcracker Suite written by Tom Orr and Birdie-Boy Watt.

IT’S THE RED CHRISTMAS YOU’VE BEEN DREAMING OF!

At The New Conservatory Theatre Center. 

RATING: FOUR GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE!!!! (highest rating) – trademarked-

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