Sexy Samaritans: Lesbian CPR And Sexy First Aid Videos

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Super Sexy Abdominal Thrust

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The basic premise behind the “Good Samaritan” is someone who helps out a stranger for no reason other than their ability to help when no one else can. There is no specific benefit, no personal gain and no self-serving motive, reason or need filled whatsoever. It’s just about being “good” or “doing the right thing” which to my mind happen to be two very important and necessary bits of psychic fuel we humans use to keep this ever spinning green ball we inhabit running as smoothly as it does.

So what better illustration exists of top-notch, Good Samaritan-like behaviour than learning basic first aid skills so you can somewhere, somehow save a life? The placing of hands (or mouth) on some stranger in peril can be a pretty icky proposition but when it’s done out of a genuine attempt to revive it’s got to be the absolute pinnacle of selflessness. Nothing gained personally other than the satisfaction of saving an anonymous life and handing it back to its owner, free of charge. You probably even get extra karma points if the victim has draining mouth sores or breath that could melt paint. 

Well, never let it be said that commerce cannot co-opt damn near anything in pursuit of a sale. A fancy Canadian(!) lingerie firm has come up with quite the way to sell frilly lace. Knowing that ads selling undies need to be as sexy as they can, the bright lights at Fortnight Lingerie appear to have dreamed up a way to make their pitch even riskier still. They’re not just having their cake and eating it too, they’ve managed to smear it all over each other and start licking. Thanks to SuperSexy CPR and SuperSexy Abdominal Thrusts, Fortnight Lingerie has embarked on a dubious mission to educate the masses thru scantily-clad lifesaving techniques and the use of some aggressive bump and grind. So far they have a couple of commercials (and the requisite website, natch) showcasing the horniest versions of CPR and the Heimlich manoeuvre you’re ever gonna see.

In SuperSexy CPR we are treated to lipstick lesbian chic, as one hottie crawls around on another, administering the most temperature rising CPR demo you’ve ever seen. The soft focus and the close ups are intense enough to make even the most jaded of porn surfers pause for at least a moment to assess its merits. Cut to the SuperSexy Abdominal Thrusts and we get a fabulously toned, man-hottie delivering some backdoor pelvic pushes in the most hyper-erotic way imaginable. Our hairless humper even tosses in a fairly creepy smile for good measure. No argument that the whole campaign is more than a little tongue in cheek. What better way for we sophisticates to “learn while leering” as hard-bodied, exhibitionists flaunt lust and longing to save lives whilst levering lingerie.  

But is it helping? It might sell some skivvies – that’s good of course, commando is so Pam Anderson - but at what cost to our overall humanity? Do we really want to pollute what used to be our most unselfish instinct – on-the-spot-life saving – with a brain-dump of opportunistic sexual undertones (or overtones, depending on your position of choice)? Why risk creating a nation of horn dogs and dogettes looking to save a life only to get their grind on? Look, there’s a woman choking in that restaurant. Cue the grope-fest.  I don’t know about you, but if someone is giving me the Heimlich manoeuvre I’d hate to think the dude “saving” me is actually performing some kind of fantasy roger through my clothes. Oh that I might simply be allowed to gag in peace.

I don’t doubt the ads will get attention and even allow their creators to claim some kind of broad social awareness kudos by “teaching” the lunk-headed masses how to save lives. That it’s by appealing to their basest desires is just gravy. Still, it’s kind of sad that the adults selling fancy knickers with safety still view things like CPR and choking pretty much the same way they did back in Grade 5 gym class – giggling and snickering about boobies and butts as they stand around with their shoes untied and their shirts on inside out. If this is the modern Samaritan I think I’ll be cutting up my food really tiny from now on.