Smelly Cat: Want a raise? Summer's Eve says wash your bits first
I happen to possess man parts. This has been the case since birth. Obviously, I do not own any lady parts. They do live adjacent to me, but still continue to remain something of a mystery. Certainly I’ve enjoyed the odd fleeting experience every now and again but on the whole I plead far more ignorance than knowledge when it comes to their overall operation in the business of what it takes to be structurally “female.” Put simply - not my department. Now, that said I do have a mother, wife and even several daughters meaning I feel it’s perfectly logical for me to be weighing in on something I should probably steer well clear of - feminine wash and the companies that sell them.
Everyone knows confidence is important. We need it to function – that’s why we spend so much of our lives studying and learning and training. We spend enormous amounts of effort trying to fill up the empty spaces inside with things like knowledge, experience and skills. In turn, this is supposed to provide the confidence we require to jump up out of bed each day and take on the world. At least that’s the idea. But what if something was conspiring to keep you down? What if no matter how well prepared and ready you felt there was this one thing – that if missed – could very likely lead to a life of failed opportunity and stunted growth? And what if it targeted only women? Clearly I’m talking about feminine odour.
My jaw absolutely hit the floor when I caught wind (sorry, couldn’t help it….) of an absolutely horrible magazine ad for Summer’s Eve Feminine Wash. It’s a full page spread, done sort of advertorial style, showing a bright and energetic young career woman flashing a confident, sparkly smile beside the headline “Confidence at Work: How to ask for a raise.” The layout suggests this may be but one of many in a series of helpful hints for the upwardly progressive, working woman.
Intrigued, I read on, internally nodding at such helpful suggestions as not being late for work the day you plan to ask for the raise (Uh, hello…?) or taking the time to assemble quotes from others about how great you are at your job. Another even suggested knowing in advance just how much your own personal efforts added to the company’s bottom line. Nice. All, good, strong, sensible ideas when it comes to crawling up that corporate ladder. But at number one - number one! – was the roadside IED. It was clearly the “must not” in a sea of “try not to forgets.” Number one on the list was “shower with Summer’s Eve Feminine Wash” and keep a packet of “Summer’s Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths” on hand just in case. Oh my va-ginny-jay-jay…..
Are they kidding? I mean how stupendously dense are these clowns? Do they actually think any female anywhere is going to let this slide by? Yes, you’re marketing a product and that gives you all the right in the world to put that product front and center in your ad but number one? Really? Couldn’t it have been number four? Maybe at the end? An aside? No, these tweedledums dropped it at number one on their list effectively stating that the fragrant state of the female chitty chitty bang bang can negate any real-world accomplishments to date. Summer’s Eve has no defence on this one. They didn’t feel the need to remind folks to brush their hair or risk looking like the business end of toilet brush. They didn’t suggest mouthwash or any other regime of oral hygiene, which for my money can be a hell of lot more offensive than some weird, indeterminate smell no one can reliably locate. Seriously, some folks have breath so bad it makes you throw up – just a little - inside your mouth. That loses more jobs than smelly boola boxes.
I’m not saying being clean isn’t a good idea but couldn’t the chowderheads at this supposedly female-centric brand exhibit enough collective intelligence to realize the offence they’ll cause by not having the self control to avoid hyping their product right out of the gate? Number five guys. It would have worked at number five. No, instead they spent untold thousands sending an absolutely insulting message to the legions of ladies they’re trying to reach. It’s so tone deaf stupid that it doesn’t even deserve the attention of a boycott. Just buy something else and ignore them. I mean, its one thing to equate running on the beach as a stand in for lady business but the congealed brain trust that approved this ad deserves a big fat face-full of douche. Personally, I would recommend “Sweet Romance” – it certainly couldn’t hurt.