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Tears with Fears: Men and Women and the battle over public crying
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by Kaitlin | October 25, 2007 at 08:41 am
1473 views | 46 Recommendations | 11 comments
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It's all because of Ellen: After she cried on-air last week about a rescue agency reclaiming her adopted dog (she passed the pup on to her hairdresser after seeing that the dog didn't get along with her cats; the agency reclaimed it soon after) the whole nation was in a tizzy about public tear-dropping.
AP writer Jocelyn Noveck has dug a bit deeper and discovered some solid research on the public's reaction to wet cheeks from their most beloved figures, and the results are...well, depressing, frankly. At least if you're a woman.
Long story short: Men who cry in public (a few tears, not a deluge) are seen positively, in touch with their feelings. Women, however, are seen as weak or lacking control. This is especially true in politics. Similarly, when men get angry, they gain status. Women, on the other hand, lose status when expressing anger in public. [q
url="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071025/ap_on_re_us/the_crying_game;_ylt=Aq1AD1YROoSObq_6sOqnDfUDW7oF"]In
politics, it's a far cry (OK, pun intended) from 1972, when Sen. Ed
Muskie's presidential campaign was derailed by what were perceived to
be tears in response to a newspaper attack on his wife. Whether he
actually cried is still up for debate. But decades later, an occasional
Clintonesque tear is seen as a positive thing.
Bill Clinton, that is.
"Bill could cry, and did, but Hillary can't," says Tom Lutz, a
professor at the University of California, Riverside who authored an
exhaustive history of crying. In other words, the same tearful response
that would be seen as sensitivity in Bill could be seen as a lack of
control in his wife.[/q]All of this, of course, depends on context, but it's still something to consider. Comedian Bill Maher took Ellen's crying as an opportunity to point out that women obviously can't handle pressure and therefore Hillary Clinton would make a bad president. I'm paraphrasing; what he actually said was
"At this moment when the entire nation is saying 'Hmm, can we have a woman president? Maybe they're too emotional,' I don't think this is helping,"
But what do I know--I'm just a girl. I'll just stay over here in the corner, crying, baking cookies and getting pregnant. And hey, if someday I choose to keep my emotions to myself, I can do anything! I can have a talk show! Or maybe even run for president!
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Kaitlin
Vancouver, Canada
Cayusa
Reisterstown, Maryland, United Statesizzyplayle
United Kingdom.jpg)
booit
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States
Kendi
Bolivar, Missouri, United States
Most RecentMost Recommended Comments (11)
at 10:10 on October 25th, 2007
It is an interesting double-standard... many moons ago I worked at a company run entirely by women. One of the new employees, a dude, quit after two weeks because he couldn't stand being managed by "bitchy" women- i.e. women who didn't do whatever he asked...
at 10:16 on October 25th, 2007
Kaitlin, good stuff.
You weren't crying when you wrote this were you, because if you were I don't know if I can take this seriusly any more and I'll have to remove the flag.
at 10:25 on October 25th, 2007
Very funny, BigT... :)
I'm used to being Othered so I don't cry about it anymore. I just burn my bra and sing "I am Woman" to passerby.
Jokes!
at 10:33 on October 25th, 2007
Kaitlin, good stuff. I find it depressing that these double standards are *still* true in 2007! Assertive man--leadership material. Assertive woman--bossy, aggressive, bitchy.
Woman cries: can't handle her emotions. Man cries--in touch with himself, sensitive.
Woman polite and can compromise: weak. Man polite and can compromise: another sign of how great he is.
And so on. And so on.
at 12:38 on October 25th, 2007
I thought tears comprised the secret ingredient to the best cookies...
Good stuff Kaitlin. Many men view crying in general, never mind public crying, as a sign of weakness. Would this then not be true of the same men seeing other men cry? If so, what "public" is being spoken of?
Aren't stereotypes and hypocrites great!
at 13:57 on October 25th, 2007
Dave - If you click through the Yahoo link, you'll see the story in full, which explains the research. I think it's pretty well-founded stuff, based on what I've read there. And public opinion can be marked by reaction, especially where politics are concerned--media and public outcry are good markers. "No one voted for you because you cried," is something that can seem elusive and a bit slippery at the time but in hindsight might prove true with some analysis.
Now, a comedian generalizing about your whole gender because one woman lost it--over a puppy being taken away from two little girls, no less--on TV? That's not anything scientific, that's just the highly misguided musings of a guy who's afraid of powerful women. Yeah, I said it.
Thanks for the comments, all!
at 17:22 on October 25th, 2007
"That's not anything scientific, that's just the highly misguided
musings of a guy who's afraid of powerful women. Yeah, I said it"
I agree.
"Aren't stereotypes and hypocrites great!" was sarcasm
at 19:20 on October 25th, 2007
Kaitlin, Good stuff.
I may disagree with the assessment in that when men get angry they gain status in the eyes of others.
I know, because if I get angry working on my SUV, my 5' foot, 105 pound girlfriend calmly states Oh just "Suck it up Princess" , this diatribe continues, especially when I wear my "Alabama Man Wife Beater Cutoff T Shirt" (as she calls it), when working on my SUV she looks at me then says, You want steak for dinner? Then lose the muscle shirt "Nancy Boy"!, Yep, I love her, cause she is my Ying to her Yang. As for Status, well maybe Status Quo for me trying to be a 6' - 200 pound He Man. She still refuses to call me "Stallion" in bed, preferring to call me Snuggle Bear in Mandarin. OKay, OKay TMI ...TMI
at 19:34 on October 25th, 2007
Kaitlin, I like this story. It's more than good stuff. It points out that women can be more PASSIONATE, not more EMOTIONAL in regards to different things. Ellen's emotional outburst was not because she was under pressure, but because she felt passionate about something and, unfortunate, emotions ran wild. This did not impair anything, and I'm sure that this would just touch base on a more human level with people.
Great article. I really love it.
at 00:21 on October 30th, 2007
You are absolutely right. I never knew I had such stereotyped stuff in me. I certainly look at women who cry publicly that way.
at 12:36 on January 14th, 2008
Here's a problem to confound the research: what about those of us who end up 'dealing with it' when we are sad or during a crises, but cry when we are frustrated or angry? a LOT of my friends are in this boat. We are good problem solvers and 'go getters' when the going gets tough, but when we are at a standstill and/or faced-down about something - waterworks.
I can't tell you how humiliating (and more frustrating) it is to be choked up in front of someone that is infuriating you, only to have them think that the emotion is because of a weakness... it only makes it worse.
Thanks for digging into this!