Time to burn the family photo album

Perhaps its time for parents to prove what fine, morally righteous citizens they are by burning the family photo album. In Australia, a number of sports clubs have banned parents from taking photos of their own kids at sporting events, implying that selfish, trouble-making parents who insist on doing so may have unwholesome motives. That's a serious insinuation to make, but law-abiding parents should rest assured that if they haven't done anything wrong, then they can't be suspected of anything.

Meanwhile in England, Asda has declined a woman's request to have a photo of her nude baby son printed on a birthday cake because it could be pornographic. Gail Jordan wanted to order a cake for her son David's 21st birthday. The offending picture was of baby David lying on his stomach with his bare bottom in full view. At least both Asda and Ms Jordan retained a sense of humour about Asda's strict no nudity policy.

Care worker Jordan recounted: "They said it could be anyone's child so it could be deemed pornographic. But I was asking to have it printed on a 21st birthday cake, so surely it was pretty obvious that it was my son. It's ridiculous - I understand they have rules, but there ought to be a place for common sense as well."

Jordan gamely concluded: "In the end they would only do it with a star over his bottom, which to be honest made the whole thing even more hilarious."

An Asda spokesman offered: "We have a policy, as do many other retailers, of no nudity, whatever the age of the subject. In this case we offered a number of alternatives including enlarging and cropping the photo, increasing the border size or applying a strategically placed star to save his blushes."

Humour aside, these are important lessons that any responsible parent or teacher should take note of. Avoid physical contact with your kids. Don't pick them up, don't bathe them, and for heaven's sake, don't take any photos of them even if they're fully clothed. After all that's something only a paedophile or a child pornographer would do, right?