Video: Toddlers and Tiaras Star Alana "Hollers for a Dollar"

Toddlers and Tiaras star Alana sheds new light into the aweful lives of child beauty queens.

If the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras doesn't already want to make you puke, this video will. Alana, a child beauty queen, aspires to be an extreme couponer like my mom. 

Why? 

A dollar makes her holler, honey boo-boo.

How can her parents be proud? She's the most unsettling contestant in Toddlers history. It wouldn't surprise me if a dollar didn't make her mother holler, either. She is a couponer, you know. I'm sure Alana's family values her, but I'm not sure if she's valued as a kid, or an easy money-maker.

To make things worse, her mom concocts a special "go-go" juice to keep her pumped up during beauty pageants, to "dope her up" (her mother's words, not ours). But it's okay, because 15 packs of pixie stix wouldn't do the job. File this under "Things You Can't Make Up".

Pedophiles must make up the most of the viewership.