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Was Oprah unfair to Mackenzie Phillips?
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by smkovalinsky | September 28, 2009 at 11:11 am
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Media journalist Trish Kinney - herself a childhood incest survivor - makes the case that Phillips was not ready to make such a disclosure, and that Oprah treated her less than delicately.
Kinney also points out that Mackenzie's mother has every reason to be in denial, not wanting to accept responsibility for what her marriage partner inflicted on her own child.
Kinney's upcoming memoir, Silver Platter Girl, depicts her own experience with paternal incest.
Mackenzie was handed her book and instructed to read from a certain page, Oprah saying she wanted to get right to it, despite Mackenzie's weak objection that this was not exactly how she saw things going down, but consenting anyway.What followed was a disturbing display by a victim of unspeakable child abuse who is not yet far enough along in her recovery to completely understand her own story. She asked us not to judge her father harshly because she adored him and understood he had a difficult childhood also. Mackenzie declared that she wanted to become the face of "consensual incest", an oxymoron if ever there was one. She briefly ventured into simple celebrity tell-all with her nearly smug account of being seduced by Mick Jagger when she was 18, virtually with the consent of her nearby father, also her lover. Understandably there is a part of Mackenzie that is still deeply connected to her role as an insider in a musical and cultural revolution the likes of which we may never see again. Come on, who among us can't admit to a little bit of jealousy there, despite the horrors that came with the price of admission.
There are some stereotypical components to this story. There is no doubt in my mind that Mackenzie is an abuse victim on many levels. She looks like one, she acts like one. She has only been clean and sober for a year so she is taking on a lot with this public disclosure. I hope she has a tremendous support group around her because she will need it. Her family's response is pretty predictable. In her case, not one but two stepmothers are angry and say she is lying. In most of these cases, that is exactly what mothers do. In most cases, it is more hurtful than the abuse itself, but probably not in this case. It was fascinating to watch the media repeatedly condense the family statements, leaving out pieces that were more telling than those more often quoted.
Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/trish-kinney/oprah-mackenzie-and-the-f_b_301650.html
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at 11:55 on September 28th, 2009
What did I tell you? Oprah and her New Age tripe does not have a clue about healing. This is why she cannot ever keep her weight off. She is a lousy interviewer when she gets in the deep stuff...victims of all kinds of things should never go on her show....ever! She had a woman on there for awhile that understood some things named Robin something. People like that should do the interviewing and it should be in a private room aired on the show and then open to discussion or better she is just not the best for interviewing people unless they are 'STARS' making a lot of money..that's it. It all is about emotional boundaries which none of them have. Any public stuff like this is a kind of emotional voyeurism. People should be more tender to themselves but theseit is usually the abused that are attracted to being actors and actresses for they do not know who they are.
Here is my post previously...wow SMK you knock out the stories! It took me awhile to find it and it seemed only yesterday.
17:09 on September 23rd, 2009 SMK 'S STORY ON CONSENSUAL SEX.
This is in way too deep water to really discuss. Too many terms that need definitions . Jung's works are way too extensive to reference except of course everyone knows that ultimately he told Bill who started the 12 step program when he could not stop drinking that the only solution is a spiritual one . Which boils down to living one day or hour at a time asking continuously for help from a higher power. The power can be anything you believe in. They have to have a sponsor they talk to daily to be completely honest with. A tough one for a user for they are very good liars. 12 steps is another way too deep for here. This led to the development of ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics. A laundry list was published to see if you meet the requirements. The list applies to any dysfunctional family. Families who have one with a serious illness that the whole family has to revolve around also have the same behaviors.Children of Gamblers , Workaholics, OCd. etc. etc.
In common lay language like John Bradshaw uses in inner child work and Alice Miller of course is one to study. The wounded child always spins fantasies in order to not face the truth of the abandonment of the father. Until they can get out of their brain using words to deny the truth of what happened and let their body feel the pain of the abuse they will continue to find supplies to keep them "feeling" (it is of course not a real feeling) the adrenalin of excitement that they are alive. One can never talk about their father matter of factly without a hell of a lot of bioenergetic or primal work and even then may need to stay away from the illness of the parent
For years I could explain in detail why my Mother was not able to love me. Until I stopped making excuses for her behavior and let the child in me feel the pain of being treated like an object did the healing start.
I do not know what therapies Mackenzie has used but I can tell you one year is not enough.
In the process of recovery they really should not talk about it for quite a while except with people who are doing the same . They are the ones who can stop them when they start as they call it "bullshitting ya".
I t is never a consensual relationship. A child submits because their ultimate fear is to be abandoned by their parent. If this is what they have to do for crumbs of love they will do it.
Anyone with just about any awareness knows that children who have been taken away from their parents because of abuse beg to go back. ..and unfortunately our laws allow them to after very little help. Another factor observed is , "whatever is familiar to them is their "normal" so that is the defense they also use to cope. Even change for the better is frightening to dysfunctional children and parents. They often sabotage their recovery to recreate the conditions that they were pulled out of.
She is far from an expert on what has happened to her. I am too with this bit of information.. This is typical hollywood to go out and need the attention..it is a sign that they are still vulnerable. Real healing takes place quietly with others just like them and continual connection with a mentor.
That much of abuse to her brain as she was not even fully developed has stunted her thinking function. It takes years and possibly never for them to not have blackouts. A blackout is not falling down drunk. It is a memory loss. They honestly do not remember saying or doing certain things . This is a phenomenon with alcohol but I am not expert on cocaine's long term affects.
I recommend John Bradshaw and Alice Miller. Jung is better for later years.
Children of Alcoholics, World Service Organization,
The ACOA Laundry List
These are some characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic household.
We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at our own faults.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We become addicted to excitement.
We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people who we can "pity" and "rescue".
We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.