What happens after you stand by your man?

-- Don't decide immediately whether to leave him. Your initial emotional state isn't the best for making long-term decisions. Give yourself at least a few weeks or even several months to process emotions. There's a lot to think about: children, economics, and his willingness to change and/or get professional help.

-- Get support. Put yourself in the hands of close friends and an objective third party like a therapist.

-- Don't obsess about the other woman. What is she to you? Unless she's your best friend, she's trivial. Blaming her might be satisfying but useless. It just deflects from the appropriate target of your anger--your husband.

-- Meet with a divorce lawyer. This will help you assess all your options in terms of what to expect financially from a divorce. Also, you might want to see the best lawyer in town, even if you aren't going to hire him or her. Once you reveal all the details of your situation, you'll ensure that your husband can't hire that attorney against you.