What's With the Anti-Gay Gay Guys?
By now, everyone has heard of the hilarious-- and tragic-- story of George Rekers, the professor/Baptist minister/anti-gay gay fellow that was caught on film at an airport being escorted by his gay male prostitute "friend", after returning from a 10-day trip European trip. The tragedy is not that he is a gay man-- that aspect actually makes him human(!). What is tragic is how vehemently he is denying it. This man has made every excuse under the sun as to why he took a trip with a young man that he found off the RentBoy.com gay escort website (whose profile touted his "smooth, sweet, tight ass" and "perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut)").
Rekers has joined a long list of staunch anti-gay activists who have turned out to be gay themselves. At first, this seems to be so insane. It would be like me being against Blacks moving into my neighborhood, for example. But when I think about it, I have known one or two Black folks over the years that do project their self-hatred onto others. And this is what we have here. These are gay men who are horrified to be themselves because of society's scorn, or religious intolerance, or fear of family alienation. These are men that have forced themselves into relationships with women, and make careers out of condemning and punishing a lifestyle that they secretly so desperately want to be a part of...but have made themselves believe that they cannot. But the projection of their self-hatred is doing more harm to others and themselves, and they are just too blind to see it.
Think of all the legislation that they champion, all the organizations they create and sponsor-- especially the ones that claim that they can chase "the gay" out of you (Family Research Council, The Christian Coalition, Mission America, Scientology). They dupe other confused and scared gay men into believing that they, too, can fight "the gay", and win! And the poor women that end up marrying these people...well, I don't know if I feel that sorry for them; how could you not know that he's gay?! All the lies that they tell their friends, colleagues, families...I guess if these men did not give themselves organizations to lead, they'd probably end up hanging themselves or putting a gun to their heads.
I had a girlfriend many years ago who has a gay father. She remembers her life with him, before he came out. He was surly, miserable, mean-spirited...just completely horrible. But the man that I met was comfortable, happy, and pleasant; a complete 180 degree turn from his life as a pretend-straight man. His ex-wife never really got over it. She felt hurt and betrayed, and had at that time still been very bitter about it. They had been married and divorced twice, through what she had thought were just basic relationship issues (even after two marriages and divorces with the same man). Staying in the closet damaged his relationships because he was too uncomfortable with hiding. His kids were able to get passed it, mostly because they were relieved that their father was finally happy and they were able to, for the first time in their lives, get to know him...as he was able to finally get to know himself.
Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Glenn Murphy...these men need help, and not the anti-gay kind. Will their lives change upon coming out? Yes, they will. Will they be happier because of it? Who can say? Change is difficult for many people-- to leave the life they once knew, no matter how uncomfortable they were...is not an easy thing for many people to cope with.
Bigots are out there in the world. That's just the way it is. People will hate for the most idiotic reasons imaginable. Some people have a thick-enough skin to deal with it. Others do not. Just as Blacks, Jews, Native Americans, Latinos, women have come to terms with slander, ridicule, and oppression from an ignorant populous...gays will (and have) get passed this, too. Hiding and fighting who you are only makes things worse.
If family members alienate you, if friends walk away, if your church rejects you....fuck 'em. They obviously never really cared about you, anyway.
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Saskatoon, Saskatoon, Canada