WIVES THAT MOTHER THEIR HUSBANDS
Control-freak wife doesn’t let you out of her sights before she’s approved what you’re wearing, how your hair looks, where you’re going, and when you’ll be home—and then she’ll still check in with you by phone a dozen times while you’re out. She’s not comfortable letting you dress yourself, because she’s afraid you’ll wear stripes with plaid, or do errands by yourself, because she doesn’t think you’re capable of picking up the correct brand of detergent or batch of dry cleaning—in short, she doesn’t trust you to do anything as well as she believes she can do it herself. When women become too involved in how their partners feel they tend to become more maternal and goal oriented, taking too much responsibility for them. This is despite the fact that it weakens them and places additional burden on them. Remember, if you baby a baby when he’s a baby you won’t have to baby him the rest of his life.
As child we’d hear from parents and see in their living that ‘parent’ means all admonitions and rules and laws. They range all the way through the nonverbal-tone-of-voice, facial expressions, cuddling or non-cuddling to the more elaborate verbal rules and regulations espoused by the parents as the little person became able to understand words. Thousands of ‘no’s’ directed at the toddler, the repeated ‘donots’ that bombarded him, the looks of pain and horror in mother’s face when his clumsiness brought shame on the family were all included in this set of recordings. As mothering is treating a man as though he’s a little boy instead of a mature man, common ways of expressing it include picking up his dirty clothes; laying his clothes out in the morning; organizing his drawers and shoe rack; constant reminders about appointments and chores and bills; scolding him for not dressing warmly or making a mess in the kitchen; taking over responsibilities on the assumption that he cannot manage them; correcting him in public if he gets details of a story wrong. While it may be necessary or helpful to do these things on an occasional basis, they can cause a multitude of problems if adopted as a lifestyle. Mothering more often than not is the pet aversion of most of us males.
As if they’re the only sensible adult in the family, women feel their husbands act like children. In a man’s working environment he communicates, problem-solves and produces positive outcomes and indeed gets paid significantly more than the women doing the same jobs. Wife who knows that he’s these skills, gets enormously frustrated that he doesn’t seem to use them at home. When she attempts to treat her partner more as a naughty little boy than as a capable man, man’s reaction as a result is to start behaving like one. The upshot; more the man rebels the more the woman nags. The more he resists the more she starts to act like his mother. Eventually they both reach a point where they no longer see each other partners. There is no greater passion-killer for the man than starting to feel he-is-with-his-mother, nor for the woman than feeling is she with an immature, selfish and lazy little boy.
Why that wife becomes a mom! Women, innately, feel they've to take care of the man, the children, the grandchildren etc. As nest feeders, women throughout time have had to manage the household, keep track of families’ lives and make sure all else is taken care of. Probably because if women didn’t say anything, men (chadaas) would just let it go. They’d let two week old curds get bad in the fridge, leave the house with minor stains on their slightly wrinkled clothes, be in major debt, die at an early age because they didn't get rid of their motor-bike and wrecked it into a wall. It’s one of two reasons, either she’s a nag or her hubby acts like a child instead of a man.
Some men act like big babies and most people treat people like the way they act. Even the most ‘Born-leader-types’ refuse to grow up and assume full adult responsibility for their lives. Therefore, wives… their surrogate mothers… must take charge of them, being their secretaries, helpers, social directors, navigators, and anything else their husbands either cannot or refuse to take the time to learn how to do for they themselves…..this is why we hear ‘behind-every-great-man-there-is-a-woman’. They who never get anything right in the kitchen or house and when these husbands let them get away with it then wives do mother their husbands. It is just instinct. Men out there that like to be mothered need their clothing washed, and have their dinner made. They don't do anything for themselves.
The secret reason why society wants women to get married (before having kids) is because having a husband is pretty dang close to having a child. Taking on the mother role has an unfortunate side-effect of lack of respect - children can't take care of themselves. Respect is very important to in the relationship. Wife can’t respect her husband if she didn't think he’s a basically competent human being. Something baffling, how a woman, who moves in with her man that has lived alone for 5-10 years, suddenly thinks that without her taking care of him he'll starve etc. When he’s so used to wife doing everything, how is he supposed to know better? The short answer is plain and simple: women are biologically programmed to bear and raise children—and those predispositions exist long before they actually give birth, which means that when they’re feeling an unconscious need to channel all those nurturing instincts, they turn to the most logical recipient: their partner to be treated like a child. Remember, the same hormones flowing freely in new mothers, such as asoxytocin, are the ones a woman feels when she’s connecting deeply with a male partner. This is especially evident if their own mothers mothered their husbands.