Dating in Vancouver - Woman must say "No"!

Surprisingly, this will kick start the dormant Vancouver Dating scene. It's ironic, and it will break the cycle of endless waiting.

I am a single man in his 30s who has used most of the major communications technologies there are, am involved in the communications industry, and have been a part of most of the major social networks. I feel that I have enough of a foundation to stand on, and enough experience to be able to draw valid conclusions about the online experience. I also happened to alive when the only way to ask a girl on a date was face to face.

I remember the first time I asked out a girl. I had been looking for the courage to ask her out all evening... and not finding it. I might have well been jumping off a cliff with or without a bungee cord. Near the end of the night, I noticed that she and her friends were making a break, so it was a now or never kind of situation. My senses were heightened to the point were I think the both of us were in terror by the time I managed to force the question out at her.

She smiled and politely stated that she was seeing someone... and, although I was disappointed, I was absolutely elated that I had pulled it together to do it. The next morning, I had forgotten about her (kind of).

I asked out about three more girls before calling up a friend of a friend on the phone. It was easier. Way, way easier than talking face to face. After some awkward but not unpleasant conversation, I asked her, "Would you like to get together on Tuesday night?" She responded with ... "No." Just "no" is all she responded. It was easier to accept than the face to face date requests. Its not as if she could see me or anything, so, who the hell cared. "Alright, how about Friday night then?" "Sure, Okay! School nights are off limits." The rest, they say, is history.

After that relationship ended years later, I was back to asking girls out face to face. I might have well been jumping off a cliff with or without a bungee cord. But, after several attempts, I scored a date, and then I was set free once more. That was just as the internet dating was starting. It was so much fun, so easy to get a date, and I quickly felt that initially talking to girls face to face was becoming a waste of time. It was a fun time.

Those were the days. They are gone now of course, and it would appear as if we have (generally) learned their bad habits. For example:

1) There is no sense of any urgency anymore. The internet person is always just a few clicks and a note away.
2) It is never too late. They are always there, as long as they show as being online recently.
3) It's easier (less of a gamble) to ask someone out on a date online, even more so than on a phone.
4) Men need to make the first move. This is so wrong. It's up to a woman to smile or bat an eyelash at a guy, for only a woman can get a sense if there is anything there. If a woman doesn't do this initially, the guy is probably wasting his time.
5) Attention spans short. The internet will give you a sense of immediate satisfaction... if not particularly filling.
6) The games are easier to follow along with, and verify as they are just that.
7) The internet is comfortable, so why do anything that requires a higher level of risk?
8) There is always a better deal just a mouse click or two away (we tell ourselves). Girls fall for of the guys who are telling a story, and not the guys who are honest and self deprecating.

The big problem with all of this is ... IT'S FRUSTRATING AS HELL!!  After a while, I found meeting people this way less fun as it become a formula.  I tried a few different approaches to shake it back up again, but they didn't help.  I stopped online dating a couple years ago thinking... I'm going to be a man about this, and ask girls out who I like... face to face. Well, here is the problem with that: Girls have no idea what's going on when this happens anymore. I might as well be whacking them on the back of the head to ask them out. Hmm... *Whack!* Go out with me! ( The results of which would probably about equal each other today. )

I have a theory that we (men) no longer press for a date, or immediately accept a date (women), because we have taken on internet dating habits in the real world. I came to this conclusion over a few glasses of wine at last Saturday's Vancouver Wine Festival. At the end of the evening, I zero'd in on a rather intellectual looking attractive girl ... who was just a touch evil. It was destiny... I could feel it. After about 20 minutes, I made a classic misstep, and that basically wrapped up that part of evening. But, she should have said "yes" damnit! The problem was, is that I opened the door to seeing her at other events for common interests. That was enough for her, and off she went happily into the night... perhaps thinking she had seeded the next encounter.

I was watching the rest of the crowd as the Wine Festival contingent wilted to nothing. It was all about hookups several years ago. Not anymore. I had to laugh at women who were waiting for men to talk to them. Hey, I did my share, but even with my heroic efforts I didn't see any of the energy the previous Wine Festivals exhibited. Again, I did it... myself. I used internet rules.

To fix this situation... Women need to accept and exhibit the following attitude:

- Real/hot/attractive/confident women never accept a date on any other but the first social encounter -

Wow. That's it? Yup. That would fix it. In fact, the effect would be this:

1) Men would know they would have to get to know the girl quickly. They would need to seize the moment... be a bit more aggressive as it were.
2) Women, in turn, would understand this, and not be in terror when a man approached them. "He is not being aggressive, he just simply understands that I won't wait because of the first encounter rule. Plus, I'm a catch, so who can blame him?"
3) Men in turn would not try on the second encounter know that they are quality women.

The effects would continue...

a) Women would be a little less shy in flashing the first smile, or batting her eyes.
b) Men would start the chase sooner in the evening.
c) Woman will extricate herself from her girl-friends more frequently, hence leaving even more girls available for conversation. (( See how this would cascade quickly? ))
d) Women would not leave the scene without one final smile sent into the room.
e) Men would be suggesting a date before the encounter was completed.
f) No matter how the question went, there would be no dwelling forward.
g) After the night was over, no one would be waiting for weeks for the next chance encounter, and therefore more open to the next date request.
h) The effect would spread and become secure as people realized what the new rules were.
i) The result is that men will become Men once more, as women become real Women.

In the past, I have talked about the importance of "the game". Does this preclude the game? Well, mostly not, but kind of a little. Ideally, the chase should last over a couple evenings, but blame the internet for making the world hyper-speed.

"Women must never accept a date request on any other but the first encounter."

So, this is my vow: "I shall not ask out women on any but my first encounter with them." For this to work, I reckon about 10% of woman need to follow the rule. Men will quickly learn that confident women will not wait, and woman will understand when a date request is sent at her... she must accept.