The Dead Sea; go stick your head in the mud!

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The Dead Sea; go stick your head in the mud!

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The Dead Sea;
go stick

your head in the mud!

© by Mike Keenan

I am immediately reminded of a stark picture of seemingly satisfied,
wallowing water buffalo from an old copy of National Geographic. Plastered in
primordial muck from head to toe, two men and a woman proudly pose before my
camera, and then casually stroll side by side along Jordan’s
Dead Sea shore, allowing the mud to slowly dry
and cake in the brilliant sun before washing it off at a nearby water station.

Three luxury hotels, the Kempinski,
Mövenpick
and Marriott enjoy a monopoly on the oozy market. Tourists pay anywhere from $200
to $16,000 per diem to stay here. Of course, for $16,000, you are awarded your
own beach, chef, chauffeur, masseur and related perks; however, unless you
utilize the hotel spa, the mud comes gratis, easily obtained from nearby pools
at the shoreline. This industry constitutes a brilliant stroke of
entrepreneurship, far superior to that of pet rocks and the hula hoop. Brits,
Russians and Germans flock to this oasis, and because Jordan is the safest nation in the Middle East, North American tourists now heed the
hedonistic call.

When I was a kid, mud was simply a
natural compulsion. I played in it, created weird-shaped objects and foodstuffs
served on tiny plates, and occasionally in wanton tirades of abandon, lustily threw
it at unwary playmates. Now, black mud is marketed worldwide as masks, creams,
shampoos, and related mud-enhanced products. Who would have guessed then that
there were big bucks involved in muck?

I am allowed briefly to sneak into
one of the twenty-five treatment rooms at the Marriott in order to photograph
my friend, Judy Lees from British
Columbia, undergoing a mud facial and massage.

“No jokes,” she warns as I enter.
I’m tempted to belt out an impromptu Al Jolson tune, but comply, take my
picture and quickly depart to scan a treatment menu which offers to “renew the
body, calm the mind and honor the spirit.” Given the surrounding turmoil, I’m
thinking that this might be an appropriate venue for Israeli, Palestinian,
Syrian, U.S.,
Lebanese and Iraqi ambassadors in which to hang out for a few weeks. For a mere
45 dinars, they might enjoy a “Dead Sea Natural Mud Wrap” and allow their geo-political
worries to wilt away.  

Earlier in the day, I casual float
on the twenty-one percent salt water, actually a lake not a sea. Coincidentally
bobbing beside me, I encounter a young man from Rochester, New York,
lamenting the fate of his beloved Buffalo Sabres hockey team in recent Stanley
Cup Playoffs, trounced by the underdog yet valiant Ottawa Senators. Sometimes,
the six degrees of separation principle gets surreal. I wonder if die-hard ‘Leaf
fans know about this place. After all, according to Bruno Huber, the Swiss-born
GM of the Mövenpick, it’s the lowest place on earth, over 400 metres below sea
level and therefore an appropriate Dante-esque pilgrimage for avid followers of
the blue and white. Bruno enjoys a great sense of humour. When I suggest that Ottawa might be lower, he
retorts, “I’m talking about altitude not attitude.”

Dead Sea
black mud apparently was historically employed as a facial mask and a skin
curative in ancient times, the therapeutic power alluded to in the Bible and
associated with handsome notables such as the Queen of Sheba, King Herod the
Great, and Cleopatra, good lookers all.

How does this gooey, disgusting
material work? I talk to Lina Shamieh, the Marriot’s Marketing Communications
Manager.  She claims that the mud wraps improve
blood circulation and that the fine grains cleanse the skin, removing dirt
particles, impurities and toxins. Lina reports that doctors send patients here
with skin disorders such as psoriasis, eczema, acne and wrinkles.  Some claim that the mud relieves arthritis,
muscle stiffness and aches, rheumatism, joint inflammation and itchy, dry skin.

Apparently, the secret lies in the
high concentration of salts and minerals that I encountered while floating beside
my new friend. The Dead Sea, (a misnomer) is
not really dead but it is dying because it continually evaporates, shrinking
each year, not connected to any other body of water. The salt and minerals
present in concentrated amounts are absorbed into the mud. Potassium,
magnesium, sodium, bromine and calcium are required by skin to regulate
moisture levels and hydration. Viola, the dark secret is exposed!

The next day, Judy, whose face looks
remarkably silky clean and smooth, remarks that I am not using my cane with
which I normally walk. Wow. I hadn’t even noticed. My trip to Lourdes is cancelled. Unlike Ponce de Lion, who
scourged the earth trying to discover the secret of eternal youth, I have accidentally
encountered it in the most unlikely of locations.

Elated, I fly home, (ten hours in
the air and a seven-hour time change) to shower my spouse with copious samples
of mud-related products. “You travel all the way to Jordan to bring home mud soap?” she
asks. Some people will never appreciate the intricate business of beauty.

Mike Keenan
writes a weekly newspaper column for the St. Catharines Standard and has been
published in the Globe and Mail, Buffalo Spree, Stitches, West of the City and
Pulse Magazine. He is editor of the zines, What Travel Writers Say: www.whattravelwriterssay.com
and Synapse Magazine: www.synapsemagazine.ca




Photo Credits

Mike Keenan: mud walkers, facial,
Dead Sea products, Kempinski Hotel pools, Marriott pool, floating on top of the
Dead Sea.

If you go

Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan: http://www.kinghussein.gov.jo/tourism1.html

King Abdullah II: http://www.kingabdullah.jo/homepage.php

Jordan
Valley, Marriott Resort
and Spa:

www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/qmdjv-jordan-valley-marriott-resort-and-spa/

Kempinski Hotel Ishtar Dead Sea Jordan:  http://www.kempinski.com/en/hotel/index.htm?country_group=4&id=172

Mövenpick Resort and Spa, Dead Sea:

www.moevenpick-hotels.com/hotels/Dead_Sea/welcome.htm

Royal Jordanian Airlines: http://www.rja.com.jo/default.aspx

Visit Jordan:
www.visitjordan.com