Dealing with Today's Germs of Endearment

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Dealing with Today's Germs of Endearment

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Akron, Ohio (Digital Dementia Business Wire) - There was a surprise entrant into the condom market yesterday when Goodyear Tire & Rubber gave new meaning to the last part of its name. Long known for its manufacture and sales of automobile and truck tires, Goodyear announced yesterday that it would begin marketing its own brand of condoms after the first of the month.

The Goodyear line of condoms will be marketed under the name “Aegis”. Sources in the Goodyear marketing department say that several varieties of the Aegis line have already been successfully test marketed in sub-Saharan Africa and in Southeast Asia. Included in the Aegis line will be the customary choices already present in the competing lines supplied by other makers, including smooth, ribbed, un-flavored and a variety of fruit flavors. Goodyear, however, intends to distinguish itself from the pack by offering a higher standard of safety among its condom products.

“Goodyear Tire and Rubber is committed to providing the most reliable options for safe sex available on the market.” says company marketing spokesman Les Dewette. “Let’s be frank. The world has changed considerably since the day when our fathers first warned us about sexually transmitted diseases. Back then, the concerns were principally clap, syphilis and gonorrhea. As bad as those were, today’s germs of endearment are far more serious, hard to treat and potentially deadly. Most of today’s germs of endearment are highly resistant to treatment. I think some of them eat penicillin for breakfast. To meet those concerns, Goodyear is making its rubbers available in newer, stronger more reliable forms as well as the traditional feather-lite sensitive touch rubbers for those who like to live life on the edge.”

Goodyear’s new top of the line safety condom is a steel-belted radial condom that will be marketed under the name the “Aegis Impervion.”

While the company readily admits that the Impervion diminishes sensitivity, “… it is not nearly as bad as you might think considering that you are wearing a steel-belted radial condom.”

A more serious drawback to the Impervion that may seriously hamper sales is that it reportedly takes up to 15 minutes to put it on and almost as long to take it off aftewards, though Goodyear’s marketing department insists that, with practice, this can be reduced to “slightly less than 10 minutes to put it on and perhaps as little as five minutes to take it off provided you have at least two people available to assist.”

The $25 price tag for a box of three may be another impediment to brisk sales. Goodyear points out, however, that the Aegis Impervion is a multi-use condom. “Treat these condoms with a little Armorall and you can use these suckers ten times or more.” says Goodyear spokesman, Les Dewette.

Goodyear’s share price traded down 4.5% on the announcement.