Driving Vancouver...Insane

Today's Safety Tip for driving in Vancouver is: bring sedatives for when you get caught in the maze of subway construction thrown in your path like obstacles on a hero's journey, unless, of course, you really are a hero. In that case, go out and prevent a cataclysm. Others, read on.

The Vancouver Observer (www.thevancouverobserver.com) has published articles in the past about the need for all motorists to prepare for behaviour modification when driving near subway construction, but now that we are publishing the road map you see on the side which has been provided by the city of Vancouver, we feel compelled to say it again: Don't go onto the roads mentally unprepared.

Bring holy water, pictures of the Dalai Lama, the Holy Bible---anything suggesting there is redemption possible through suffering. You will need to ascend to a higher level in order to approach the city's road work without losing your mind.

Meditating on the impermanence of all things may assist in your attempts to keep a hold of your sanity and understand the ever changing nature of Vancouver traffic patterns.

On the other hand, maybe it's time to jump on the bike. Or walk.

But if you decide to go by foot, for heavens sake, don't bliss out.

Sure, there are beautiful rainbows and snow-capped mountains, maybe even a full-on blue sky, and, if you're walking, you're probably enhancing your ecstasy with your Ipod generated personal soundtrack.

But don't get lost in the beauty, or you just might find that you have stepped into a hole that the RAV line workers were attempting to route you around. This will not be beautiful. You may even find yourself wet.

Safety Tip 2: This is not the time to question authority.

Okay, so you don't like to be told what to do.

Get over it. Obey the city workers who are waving their arms at you. They are just trying to direct you in surprising and new directions that will keep you out of trouble.

They are your friends. It is their job to make sure you stay alive so that the city won't be embarrassed by unseemly mortality as it strives to bring safety and convenience to the future.

If you have to put up with greater anxieties in the present on behalf of the generations to come, buck up, Buckster. That's what spiritual teachings, and sedatives, are for.

And for more information about the traffic upheavals in our growing city, go to The Road Ahead, Engineering Services, on the city of Vancouver website, and read in detail about all the good things coming your way.

One day, you brave motorists of today may be the enlightened beings of tomorrow, laughing your way to your next destination, as you ride the RAV line dressed in Olympic colours and waving Canadian flags, avoiding hoards of tourists who will have no idea of the sacrifices you once made so that their visit to Vancouver could be completely stress free.