HONKING HIS HORN

(‘Ask not for whom the horn honks, it honks for thee……’ John McCarthy)

I’m on the road, chilling out, minding my own business and then suddenly there is a volley of Hooo…aaaa….ooonks …. I turn back and see a Car wallah honking horn, nobody knows why. Honking horn is my pet peeve but then I wish I honk back at him saying, ‘Dude! Inside your car you don’t hear the horns, come outside and enjoy the sweet sound of your pressure horn that you’ve been blowing continuously in my ears. I’d let you pass if I’d the tiniest fraction of space, but if you don’t stop honking I’ll make sure you don’t pass. Trust me, I won’t: many bikers wont. Yes, you see that Biker who suddenly slowed down, in-spite of you honking continuously for 5 minutes he didn’t speed up. Well that could be me. You honk at me for no reason, I do that. I’ll slow down.  Even if you’re on a Truck or a freaking Ferrari, I’ll make sure you drive @40kmph…. happy safe driving, buddy!!!!’ The dude honks away and I’m left there to pooh-pooh at this weirdo. 

Yeah I’ve arrived: You’ve just drawn a hell lot of consumer loan and bought your first car/Bike, and I know you’re happy. Good, please be happy but for God’s sake don’t share the happiness with everyone on the road by honking. Yeah, we know your car also has a horn, a freaking horn that actually makes a sound, can you believe that? But still don’t push that Horn button. If you really do push it, think like this, there are 1000s of people who buy cars every day and many of them are more expensive than yours, many buy their second, third bikes, they buy with change in their pocket and most people around you own a car/bike already, you’re late to join, so basically you’re not really special and if you still feel like showing off, Go bang your head on the road.

Attracting the gals: Seriously you think so? If yes, you probably will never get one and don’t even deserve one. Oh! so that lady that day looked at you when you honked, no she wasn’t appreciating your honking but actually telling her friend that you’re a looser. And if you actually attract a girl by honking, I’m sorry you probably paid for it.

At Red Lights: Ok, the next time you honk when the light is red think like this, what is the purpose of my life? Why am I even alive? I still don’t understand why people behind me Honk when I’m merrily standing at a red light. Is the light green from where you see it? It can only happen if you’re at least a couple of light years away. I always point out to wards the RED colored light when someone does that ,but I don’t get it, don’t you know RED is for stop? Please go back to school.

When light turns Green: Wow!!! You finally saw a green light, did you realize I saw one too. Now are you so happy that you want to express your excitement with a heartfelt HONK? Or do you think people in front of you slept? No one sleeps in freaking 1.5 minutes, no no-one on steering wheel. Even if you think so, wait for a minimum 20 sec before blowing your precious Horn.

          Here are some things that honking might mean: ‘I’m passing you on the left…. I’m passing you on the right…. You’re getting too close to me…. I’m a car, you’re a motorcycle…. I’m a car, you’re a dog; since you’re a cow and are lying in the road resting, and I’ll honk at you, but will make every attempt to pass you…. You’re a truck and I’m a car…..You’re going too slowly (usually accompanied by flashing headlights)…. You’re making a U-turn or is a person crossing the street. Since I’m driving my car in the correct direction on the highway, I’ve asserted myself and will not slow down, although I may change half of a lane….. I’m going the wrong way down the highway; I’m going around a turn, and don’t want to slow down, but can’t see if there is someone coming in the opposite direction…. I haven’t honked in 1 minute;

You give me your reasons but then I’m still trying to figure out what exactly warrants you a honk, and haven’t been able to nail down the protocol on the use of the horn. Yes, maybe you do it because you get to believing: “I’m about to navigate around you, truck/rickshaw/goat/pedestrian/bicycle/water buffalo/cow/dog.” or that you say “HEY! Get out of my way, truck/rickshaw/goat/pedestrian/bicycle/water buffalo/cow/dog” or “That move you just made, truck/auto/goat/pedestrian/bicycle/buffalo/dog made me mad, and I’ll show you how angry I’m by laying on the horn’ or“ there’s no truck/rickshaw/goat/pedestrian/bicycle/buffalo/cow/dog in my lane, but I haven’t honked the horn in at least 30 seconds, so I need to make sure it still works.”

Because it’s there, you think the gizmo adds auditory color to the intricate visual tapestry of day-to-day street existence, ‘I bought it….. I'm gonna use it….. It is part of an essential bat-like sonar echolocation system….. I beep, therefore I’m…… It stimulates milk production in the cows…… It scares off potential attackers as I run the gauntlet…… My horn switch has only one position…… A hammer is to pound things with; a horn...duh!!!!! It helps keep me awake (Popular with over-night bus/truck drivers)…… Without my horn I feel forlorn….. I beep it all the day……. I cannot see how I could be not honking through the fray…… If you don’t honk the possible reasons are that you’re walking, or have a broken horn…… If you don’t hear a honk in a while, something is wrong, and you should check your surroundings for danger…… I’ve a working horn I should use it….. My horn lever has only one position……. I don’t think I honk at all!!!!! And finally if ever I toot, it’s just to let others know that the traffic signal has turned green……………….’