What Would Sarah Palin Do About Tree-Sitters?

I came across news this morning that four tree-sitting protesters at the University of California-Berkeley would stop receiving food, water or other supplies from university officials after 9 a.m. Pacific this morning.  That news prompted me to ask myself, “What would Sarah Palin do to resolve the situation in an efficient and cost-effective way manner?”

As a starting point, I think John McCain’s running mate would strive to learn quickly as much as she could about the situation.  She would learn the following:

• Nearly two years ago, the university set out to construct a new athletic complex at the site of a tree grove on the university campus;

• Tree-hugging protesters didn’t like the idea of a new athletic complex being built on the site, so they decided to wage a protest;

• The protesters have been perched in a redwood tree on the campus for some 21 months;

• The university estimates it has spent at least $750,000 for security and police protection during the nearly two-year protest; and

• Delays have added at least an extra $20 million in construction costs to the $125-million project.

Next, as a courtesy, Palin would convene a conference call with campus safety, health and security officials and ask them for their recommendations to end the standoff.  Unfortunately, as she likely expected, she would receive no worthwhile input from those campus officials.

Finally, Palin would, as usual, opt to trust her gut instinct and issue a news release.  The news release would garner worldwide media attention as it announces the launch of four new eBay auctions, each of which will award to the highest bidder the right to shoot down one of the four tree-sitting protesters — using tranquilizer darts, of course.

By following Palin’s plan, UC-Berkeley officials would not only be able to proceed with construction, but they would likely recoup the money lost to delays — and possibly more — via the online auction.  After all, there must be at least four wealthy hunters on the planet, each of whom would be willing to pay millions for the opportunity to tell their hunting buddies they “downed” a tree-hugging liberal with one good shot.

-- Bob McCarty Writes