Fugly Dog Wins Best in Show
Westminster (Digital Dementia News Services) - The blue-blood aficionados of high class dog shows were thrown into a major tizzy yesterday when the Best in Show and Best in Class ribbons went to “Slobber”, a freaky looking mongrel with the dubious distinction of having a tongue that accounts for 38 percent of his total body weight. Howls of protest echoed through the pavilion when the judge’s decision was announced.
The winning dog is said to be a cross between a Pug and a St. Bernard. The owner asserts that her dog is a “St. Pug” and that this is a long recognized, if little known, breed from Ireland.
“Not only is the beast funny looking in the extreme, he is a mutt with a hugely oversized tongue!” sniffed one disgruntled dog owner whose SharPei had come in second in the best in class category and third overall. “He was so gross! He was the only dog in the show that could lick his nuts without sitting down and turning around! This just isn’t right!”
“It looks to me like the freaky son of a bitch inherited his body from the Pug and his tongue from the St. Bernard.” complained one Westminster show official who preferred to remain anonymous.
Rumors quickly began circulating that Slobber had won his blue ribbons by using his oversized tongue to unfair advantage.
Slobber’s owner, Annie Rexia, hotly denied allegations that she and Slobber had won over the judges by performing illicit sexual favors during late night visits to the hotel rooms occupied by contest officials.
Holiday Inn hotel management confirmed that they received numerous complaints from other guests about noisy neighbors and some woman screaming “Down, boy … down, boy! Slower! Down, boy!” during the wee hours of the morning.
Slobber had no comment.
American Kennel Club officials declined to confirm or deny reports that Slobber and his owner were seen the night before flitting from room to room at the Holiday Inn where several of the judges were lodged.
Vice squad officials are said to be investigating the charges. Members of the S.P.C.A. are also said to be looking into the matter.