Geese Blamed for Lake Tahoe Pollution!

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Geese Blamed for Lake Tahoe Pollution!

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SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, California (Digital Dementia News Services) - Officials captured some of Lake Tahoe's biggest polluters: Canada geese. 

A sewage spill at the lake last summer "is nothing compared to what's happening with these geese," said Jack Spencer, a federal Department of Agriculture wildlife biologist. 

Spencer said the bottom of Lake Tahoe is covered by up to two inches of goose feces in some areas. A 10-pound Canada goose can produce four pounds of nitrate- and phosphate-rich feces every day it waddles across the beaches, lawns and golf courses of Tahoe. 

The Tahoe roundup is part of a region-wide effort. The geese also pose a threat to jets flying in and out of the Reno Airport, Spencer said. 

Thus far some 47 geese have been nabbed and are currently being held in the Reno municipal jail.  The geese range in age from 8 months to 5 years.  Officials say the geese will be arraigned on Saturday. 

Thus far there has been no official comment from the Canadian government, but a three-day work-stoppage is planned by the ever-sensitive people of Quebec as a show of solidarity with the incontinent geese. 

INS officials are also investigating allegations that some of the geese entered the country illegally.  Two of the geese are suspected of not being Canadian geese at all.  Although the two in question appear to have arrived from Canada, they appear to have Middle Eastern origins and were previously known to have worked as cab drivers in Toronto. 

FBI chief, Robert Mueller, noted that “Geese polluting our nation’s lakes, rivers and streams is just the tip of the iceberg.  America is awash in unscrupulous animals who have entered the country with malicious intent.” 

Although unconfirmed, rumors abound that the FBI is investigating allegations that FEMA’s pathetic response to Hurricane Katrina last year was the result of a conspiracy led by a well organized gang of Central American rodents. 

While the White House has not commented on the problems created by Canadian Geese shitting all over the place, the Bush administration is said to have commissioned a study to assess whether the American public can be persuaded that the policy failures in post-war Iraq are attributable to gerbils or that the abuses at the Abu Ghraib prison were orchestrated by the Pet Shop Boys.