God Tops "Worst Dressed" List for 2006!
Paris (Digital Dementia News Services) God Almighty® won the dubious distinction of topping the list of the “worst dressed” for 2006 based on a poll taken of the world’s leading fashion designers and consultants. This marks the first time that the Supreme Being® has been included on the list of the worst dressed.
“It was not entirely a surprise that the Heavenly Father® made the worst-dressed list this year,” says Henriques Moet, a fashion consultant with Gucci Ltd. “Last year God’s public relations advisors urged him to reform his image. In response to these recommendations the Divine Creator® underwent a radical makeover in an effort to seem more accessible and to project a less of a ‘mightier-than-thou' image. But I think the Prime Mover® has taken things too far. Let’s face it; the grunge look is not what you expect from the Divine Light® and maker of heaven and earth. It doesn’t inspire a sense of awe of the Omnipotent®.”
“Ripped sneakers and bare-chested under tacky vinyl overalls makes God look just like one of us ... just a slob like one of us.” commented Joan Osbourne.
Julie Porter, a Los Angeles based fashion consultant agreed, “At a minimum, He really needs to ditch the ratty Chicago Cubs baseball cap!”
While unconfirmed by God’s press agents, some deity watchers claim that Supreme Being® is also sporting a “Metallica” tattoo on his left shoulder.
In years past God’s wardrobe always evidenced a certain under-stated elegance that most experts regarded as very becoming of the Almighty. Ramon D’Amato of Versace agrees. “Loose-fitting, flowing robes and loin cloths made of gossamer and fine silks conveyed confidence, certitude and did a good job of hiding the ample waistline and bottom that is often present in those who are a gazillion years old.”
The Supreme Being® was not the only religious luminary to be listed among the worst dressed for 2006. Never a clothes-horse, Pope Benedict was also chided in fashion reviews for his inappropriate and clumsy choices in attire.
“That papal miter does have a certain panache. I will give him that,” says Jean Paul Marelle of the Paris Fashion Gazette. “But the miter clashes horribly with his plaid golf slacks. Besides, I think the miter makes him look like he’s trying too hard to impress the ladies. It just screams out ‘Look at me! Look at me! I’m the fuckin’ Pope!’”
Donald Connolly, founder and CEO of San Francisco-based Fashion Fairies agrees. “Let’s face it, that papal miter looks silly when Benny is on the golf course and is extremely annoying to the people sitting behind him when he wears it to the cinema.”
Paris (Associated Press) Three of the world’s four leading fashion consultants who recently placed God at the top of the list of the world’s worst dressed were killed in a freak hailstorm that struck without warning in a Paris suburb. Jean Michel Roulade, Giovanni Baillot and Roberto Sciavelli were pronounced dead at the scene where a localized hailstorm dropped stones the size of Volkswagens crushing the car in which the three men were riding.
No others were hurt in the bizarre hailstorm.
In a separate incident, Charles Dunneau, another world renowned fashion consultant who also voted God onto the list of the world’s worst dressed inexplicably burst into flames while jogging along the waterfront in Cannes. Friends and family members say Mr. Dunneau was on the fabulous grapefruit fat-burner diet, but medical experts say this is cannot be considered the cause of the accident.
Police suspect an “act of God”. Although no arrest has been made, police confirm that God is being sought for questioning.