Is blaming others for the consequences of your choices kind of la
Do you know anyone around you who loves to systematically put the blame on others? They are the ones who make decisions without thinking for a minute about the consequences that their choices can create. They tend to be impulsive and they have the utter necessity to do whatever it takes to push their agendas, regardless of the impact that their behavior may have on their lives and on others’. But once they finally realize that the consequences are way too overwhelming to assume, their only way out is to lay the blame on everybody else, all in an attempt to conceal a complete refusal to be accountable for their actions. Such process is straightforward, all too common, and absolutely destructive.
Are you inclined to blame your spouse, partner, siblings, parents, friends, or colleagues for the dreadful consequences of your choices? Have you ever wondered whether it had the propensity to become quite lame rapidly? Or is the choice to blame others the easy route, so you never have to start figuring out how damaging it is for you and those who gravitate around you?
::: Why is blaming others almost second nature?
Most men and women make successions of poor choices in life, and they constantly have to bear the dreadfulness of the consequences. How many of these people elect to be fully or even partially accountable for the mishaps that they consistently create? If you take a blunt look around you, it becomes apparent that only a tiny minority of individuals are ready to assume the full-on extent of the bad decisions that they take. What type of stance do the rest adopt? They simply blame their failures on others. And it does not have to make any sense whatsoever. Even those who played absolutely no part in the process can suddenly be concerned! For example, you can instantly become responsible for your best friend’s divorce. All it takes is, “You were not there on the day I really needed you.” The choice to blame others never discriminates. It includes whoever and whatever can be utilized as scapegoat.
For so many people, the choice to blame others is almost second nature. It is instinctive. It is more than a reflex. It is a way of life, an intrinsic part of what they are. To blame others defines what they are. Their entire value system is based on it. What true advantage resides in embracing this type of value though? Wouldn’t it be so much easier to acknowledge that a choice was not the best one at a given moment in time? Wouldn’t it allow its instigator to do whatever is needed to attenuate the consequences of the decision, so life does not have to be affected too severely? Consequently, wouldn’t it be so much wiser to learn from every single mistake, so selecting better options next time becomes possible? Sadly, it does not seem to be working that way. Those who elect to make bad choices are so determined in their enterprise that it is almost impossible to invite them to open their eyes and potentially consider another alternative.
Where does this high propensity to blame it on others or circumstances come from? Most individuals duplicate what they have observed at home while growing-up. The reasons behind the most dysfunctional mentalities do not have to take their sources too far away from the family structure. Home sweet home, isn’t it? When a child has only been confronted to limitations, why would he or she suddenly embrace expansion as a way of being throughout his or her entire adult life? When people do not know better, they stick to whatever they were taught, and they blindly trust the pertinence of their experiences. This is how series of dysfunctional generations are created. Despite the cruelty of this reality, you do not have the right to feel defeated. You can stop the pattern at any time. You have the right to claim responsibility for all your acts.
Many individuals have such a fascinating tendency to refuse to acknowledge every single one of their creations. People are programmed to look at the positive only and to immediately brush away the negative. Anything that is labeled as negative must be considered as uncomfortable and embarrassing, so it must be dismissed at all costs. Therefore the idea of spending even a split second meditating and reflecting on something that does not generate instant gratification is totally unthinkable. So they bury their heads in the sand and consequently create great turmoil in their lives. And as soon as disaster strikes, guess what? It’s time to blame it all on others! Every time you hear, “How could he do this to me?” you know that the blame game is on.
::: At what moment does blaming others get totally lame?
Carl and Silvia were married and employed by the same company. Over the years, they had built up this iconic image of being the happy married couple who was living, working, investing and breathing together every single minute of the day. They were working over-time and weekends, never taking a vacation, so they could earn extra money to use for down-payments on houses in what was at the time a booming real-estate market. One day the market stopped booming, and the next day they received a note letting them know that their company was relocating to Mexico. The blame game instantly started. Salves of bitterness were relentlessly exchanged. “I should have never married you! Just looking at how much of a loser your father is, I should have known better about you!” “Without me, you’d still be living in the slums of Bogotá with your illiterate brothers and sisters! When I think that I could have landed so much better!” Blame or Lame?
To point fingers often times lead to situations that insanity cannot even depict accurately. What had become of all the, “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life!” that Carl would tell Silvia, while taking her hand and whispering loving words to her ear? How could anything have suddenly turned her into this useless third-world piece of trash that would only inspire resentment and anger? How could something that did not have anything intrinsic to do with their union have such a quick and devastating impact on their marriage? Viewed from a different angle, how many lies about their own selves were Carl and Silvia living on a daily basis?
The choice to lay the blame on someone else is a reflection of someone’s refusal to truthfully look at his or her own self. And such refusal is the mark of an individual who lives inside a constant lie about what he or she truly is. How many folks do you know are totally unwilling to live up to their responsibilities and step-up to the plate each time they create turmoil in their lives? Isn’t it intriguing to observe that, inside this society, self-accountability is never praised? To be accountable is wrong. If you admit that you were indeed at fault, it is instantly viewed as a sign of weakness. It is judged as lame. This is completely insane! Isn’t it crazy to realize that the one who decides that he or she must be right at all costs ends-up being the one who is recognized by the group? He is indeed the one who (supposedly) has strong convictions and the courage to stand for his own self and what he believes in. This does not make any sense. It does not create room for empowering individuals to be fully accountable for their choices. Instead it promotes unconsciousness.
Why does society systematically tend to encourage lame behaviors? For what reason the masses never promote the necessity to be fully aware in regard to the ramifications that such or such decision may engender? The problem is that people have been trained to think and process things in a way that does not give them the ability to broaden their horizons. As long as the sentiments of comfort and security are present, it is okay to go back to sleep. That was Carl’s and Silvia’s lives. They had formulated decisions around what the perfect life was supposed to look like. Their certainties to have reached a desired result forced them to occult everything that had the potentiality to disrupt their system. Unable to face this reality called “their stupidity,” blaming the other was their sole alternative. And that was definitely lame.
You have the ability to know whether a choice that you are about to make has the potential to bring expansion to your life. But what does it require? You have to become aware right now of all its consequences. And that implies that you set all emotions aside. If you think that it is hard and that it necessitates a tremendous volume of efforts, I would suggest that you think again. Ultimately what is easier? Is it to allocate all your energy toward finding scapegoats once your have failed or is it to use this energy in the moment to generate greater for your own life?