A Childs Journey Towards Ending Domestic Violence

Ruby cowered under the bed terrified her father would come and find her. She hadn't done the dishes. She had forgotten completely and had gone out playing. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but her fathers roaring voice could be heard all the way up to the second floor where she lay as quietly as she could. She was even terrified to breathe lest her breathing give her away.  

The last time she had forgotten, her father had yanked her violently from under the bed and begun hitting her head repeatedly. "Oh God, I am so sorry I didn't mean to forget this time!" She had screamed as he kicks her, and called her names. "Stupid! You’re such an idiot! Why aren't you more like your sister?" 

Ruby covered her eyes hoping that her hands would give her extra protection. "Please God Not again!" The little girl curled up into a ball and tried to hide her tears. 

What Ruby didn't know and she could not have known until years later was that her father had inherited his abusive behavior from his mother. Her father, Charlie like so many other parents used abuse as a form of discipline and punishment. If something went wrong at home or at work it was always taken out on the weakest of the family. Her mother had tried to protect her from the brunt of his brutality but after she died of cancer years later she was exposed to an even greater depth of hatred from her father. Ruby cried so much at having lost her best friend and confidant.   That little girl grew up hating herself and was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that all she was worth was what her father had emblazed in her mind.  

 At 14, if she made a mistake she would call herself "stupid" or feel as though nothing she did was "good enough". She wanted desperately to be loved by her father, but instead all he had given her was verbal and physical abuse that had lasted as long as she could remember.  

 "I remember during one particular phone call, my aunt had called to inquire about me. I had talked to her in length for nearly an hour until she asked if she could speak to my father. I will never forget that day." Ruby wipes away her tears. "It had only been a few months after my mom had passed and he had been desperate for me to just get over her death. I was in shock at her passing and was taking great lengths to actually preparing plans for suicide. I did not want to be without her anymore and I had given up on life."  

Ruby casts her eyes downwards, "It was then he said: Ruby, I wish I could buy you a gun so you could go shoot yourself." Her aunt was dismayed at her brother’s hateful words. She tried to get him to take back what he had said but he said no, he meant what he said.

"His voice still haunts me." Says Ruby, now grown up and in hear late 20's. It has taken me so long to get past this. I no longer have contact with him, and have healed so much from the hurt and pain. I wish I had known earlier that so much of what he said was false, and that in order for me to heal I needed to face the past.

"My father’s legacy has left me with a fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, and a host of other negative emotions. I struggle with my self-esteem everyday. Because of these fears I had did not have the knowledge of what a healthy relationship would or should look like. I went from one failed relationship to another. By the time I had left second toxic-relationship I was literally battered and bruised. I didn't know where to turn, I did not have many friends nearby I could speak to, so I turned my focus to a support group online." Says Ruby. 

"It was then that I decided to start a support group for other people like me who were struggling to come to terms with abusive relationships, not only from boyfriends and girlfriends, but from parents and siblings as well. I found many others who had a combination of experiences ranging from childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse, financial, torture, verbal abuse, but despite all of this they were overcoming their fears and past experiences. They were moving on and living healthier lives. Sure they were not healed completely but they had moved on from being a survivor to someone who was thriving" Ruby smiles. She was proud of the people she had met and the close-knit friends she had met along the way.  

"I no longer regret my experience. It has made me who I am today, and I am much stronger for it. I have build support groups, and made so many new friends."