the curse of beauty

If my nephew, at six years old, can understand 'the curse of beauty', he's a gifted gifted child .. Today i also observed him leading children in the 'playground' (open air market tables) across the street so Joe is a gifted natural leader. Arthur has a tendency to hang back in social situations and Joe made efforts to include him. Joe proved himself to me today and i told him so. To the tune of 'row row your boat', Arthur and i sang a song for Joe in off synchronized melody (as it's meant to be sung). Arthur initiated (remember, he's only 3). So today was a gift (isn't every day?).

Joe's one of the darkest skin members of Maeaeb so he's unfairly excluded typically. He's basically an orphan Grandma took in (his father's in jail and mother's likely institutionalized). i asked him today if he'd like to live with Oprah in America telling him she's a kind of queen among Westerners. He could have anything he wanted including being able to study in any country he chose .. He declined. i asked him why? His answer (paraphrased) "I don't like America; I like Thailand; I like Chiangrai; I like Chiangmai." i said "but you don't even know America - how can you say you don't like it?" He answered with above.. So sorry Oprah - unless you think you can convince him living with you's a better place .. The reason beauty can be a curse Oprah can tell you .. If you study her profile, you can guess why..

As playground supervisor, my duties are: making sure they treat each other and things with respect - and - stay out of harms way.. Today, after mulling over my recent essays in my mind and feeling very isolated, God gave me a gift unanticipated. Quite recently, as i observed Joe in interactions with Arthur, he seemed more like the 'antichrist child' more than anything. ;) He'd seem to go out of his way to torture and confuse Arthur. So before today, i was quite stern with Joe (the last few days). i got to the point i had to simply ignore him .. But things turned around today.. Why? A gift from God is all i can say..

There's one particular girl who did not exclude Arthur today (as she 'normally' did); she's exceptionally beautiful. Early on, i explained to Joe that beauty can indeed be a curse and he completely understood (imitating her briefly). So all i can say is what many people say "Sam, you are where you belong." Surrounded by absolutely brilliant people .. Don't get me wrong: i never push Better Way onto children or anyone who does not seem inclined to listen.. So i never take advantage of a situation to push some agenda. i just try to raise Arthur and Joe as best i can without falling prey to my father's tendencies (he was a stern disciplinarian). Sometimes i can be very stern (as when they bust into this room without knocking). (That's actually what started my 'stern episode' with Joe.) So my mother's favorite expression always returns: everything in balance. Everything in balance.

As you can see, partnership with God can be an individual thing: we can look within, seek God, union with Her, delight in her Grace, and Live. As i cannot own a patent on inspiration; i never 'own' God. That thought is sinful .. i'm merely an example - someone who finds God in whispering pines, split wood (read Gospel of Thomas), a child's eyes, and starry sky .. God's in Grandma when she prepares a meal for us. God's in Yui when she gives me some affection over Skype. God's in Joe when he leads other children. God is in my tears now streaming down my face.

i know many are Super critical of me including my once-best-friend Doug accusing me of arrogance, egotism, narrow-mindedness,.. i could repeat that list over and over. Is it my fault God chose me? i joked with myself in the bathroom in a mock interview: Sam, who do you compare yourself to in history? Moses? i reply: no maybe his dog. His reply: cute.

A burning bush, a lover's sigh, molestation in the shower,.. What's the difference? Can you rip my mind open and try to discover the source of divine inspiration without destroying me? Would that even be human to try?

Respect my humanity; respect my inspirations; this will be the only time i ask: respect me. i am but a simple messenger; please respect the message and the Sender .. Many snide remarks are posted on various essays already. If the authors would simply read previous essays, many questions would be answered. Questions like "what's the Galactic Federation?" are rhetorical at best. Robot rights? What about Basic Human Rights? i'm begging you: please read before you attack. And if you attack me, i can say quite clearly and honestly: you attack God. (That's if i've been true to Her in my essays.)

i completely understand that 'sounds' like arrogance (to many people likely including Doug). But only sounds. i swear on my life i've made humility a Discipline. i swear on Arthur's life. i swear on Creation. Every time i get an arrogant thought, She reminds me a better way (it all started with an arrogant thought and me tripping over something on a path when very young). It wasn't easy to pick myself up and try to reckon with Humility. It's been a lifelong struggle. But a worthy one: She rewards genuine Humility. Isn't it obvious from my life alone? Or Gandhi?

i reminded Joe: with great power comes great responsibility. This comes across as the most important 'line' in Kung Fu Hustle. So it should be no wonder to you why i choose Stephen Chou to direct The Avatar .. And no wonder why my last essay should be this preceded by an essay about a bet between God and Satan .. i believe this can truly be my last essay posted on NowPublic and Scribd. Enough is enough; i've shown you all i can (all that i'm allowed). Any more would be breaking 'the prime directive'. ;) We're allowed certain things: to show, to demonstrate, a few miracles .. But We are never allowed to interfere. That is Taboo to Us. i write to you now as an extension of God: please choose the higher road. Please recognize Her. Please accept her Love.

i love You, sam