I’ve been thinking of dating and came across some tips online for those of us who have been out of it for awhile. Scott and I have been giving each other pointers on what is acceptable and what might not be when you start to date someone ‘new’. I use the term ‘new’ loosely because I visualize the person I want to date as being anything but ‘new’. New is shiny and clean and something you don’t want to touch because you might leave finger prints. I am thinking more along the lines of disheveled, (not dirty) someone who looks like they’ve had some life experience, needs a challenge, has been around the block before and knows all the good places for fun and adventure.
When Scott and I are hanging out which is pretty much all the time because we are best friends, we comment on what the other person has just done that might be frowned upon by someone else. We all know that after being with someone for 17 odd years your comfort levels start to slide just a tad! At some point we either ignore the obvious or we just don’t care anymore and have become accepting or relaxed about our partners habits or questionable behavior. A few examples are flatulence, personal hygiene and wardrobe selection. Guilty, guilty, guilty!
When you put yourself out there again for the first time isn’t it just better to start out the way you mean to end? I think it’s going to be hard to adjust my attitude and become aware that my date isn’t going to ‘get me’ or understand me right off the bat. It takes time to really get to know someone ‘new’ and there are tons of bumps in the road throughout that process. History with someone has comfort. But that magical feeling of not knowing what is swirling around in the mind of ‘new’ and what comes next is the flip side of the coin. If you could keep some of the unknown in a relationship with history, well now you’ve got something !
Now, if we are talking about Scott, he has no filter and is who he is, so I am not sure he is even going to try to adjust any kind of attitude. I am starting to get on board with his thinking, it might be the only way to go. Take me or leave me, it makes no difference to me. Now that might be misconstrued as an attitude of not caring when in fact it’s just being real.
Online Dating tips: (I’ve added my own comments at the end.)
1) Promptness ~ don’t leave your date waiting, nobody likes to wait for anyone, it’s rude!
2) Smoking ~ Don’t, if you don’t care if your here in 10 years why should anyone else?
3) Make an effort to be clean and smell good ~ Scott just read over my shoulder and gave me a pointer “Tracy you stink” it came with ‘the look’, you know the one, the ‘you stink’ look. In my defense we just got back from a 10K run, point taken, I should go shower and then resume my writing. Horry (that’s sorry in Spanish lol) take me or leave me, I’m writing and don’t like to be interrupted when I am on a roll. (Comfort level slide example)
4) Truth ~ flip side, if you don’t want to hear it, don’t ask.
5) Never pretend to be single when you’re not. ~ come on, who hasn’t played ‘pretend I’m single‘ just once?
Here are my Dating tips:
1) Show up with a good attitude ready for anything.
2) Be prepared for kissing, that means floss the steak out of your teeth from the night before, gargle,brush your tongue, there is nothing worse than bad breath!
3) Who cares if he is not ‘the one’ maybe he’s fun, so get that thought out of your pretty little head that your looking for a husband and you will be guaranteed a better time!
4) If you want to sleep with him, your choice! Be safe! But be prepared NOT to meet his mom!
5) Have absolutely no expectations, enjoy him for who he is. It might only last two weeks but it could be two of the best two weeks of your life, so expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed!
6) Flirt! Otherwise known as a compliment (if you mean it) Enjoy the flirty sexual chemistry. It rarely lasts!
7) Leave something for next time, or there won’t need to be one!
Be yourself! And let him be himself! The all time biggest mistake women make in my opinion is to try to change the man they start out with.
Dating should be a blast! Who really cares if your not the perfect match. Nobody is so stop trying to find perfect. And if it doesn’t work out maybe you found a good friend, a Best friend even! To hang out with your best friend at the end of the day, isn’t that what we are all looking for? Just go with it and have fun!
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Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada