Did Scotland help China win Olympic Gold?
While doping scandals run rampant in the sports world, Ancient Chinese health secrets might still be key to getting up on the podium.
FROM deep within the glens, Scotland's gamekeepers are supplying a secret ingredient which may explain why China's athletes have surged to the top of the Olympics gold-medal table.
Gamekeepers reveal today for the first time that they are exporting a secret weapon to China – the "pizzle" from Scottish deer.
Athletes use the male animal's sexual organ to boost stamina and for its alleged anti-inflammatory, immune stimulant and injury-healing properties.
Other Side effects on the rise?
Functions: Deer pizzles may be used to enhance sexual performance or improve ones sexual ability.
Chinese traders show Highlanders how to harvest phallus.
Deputations of Chinese pizzle traders have been visiting the Highlands to view the deer, regarded as the most virile in the world, and have been training Scottish game dealers on how to process the parts for export.
The deer is a symbol of health and longevity in oriental medicine, with the first mention of their by-products noted more than 2,000 years ago.
Profit margins on the rise.
"The pizzles are creating an extra income for the estate, just like the meat."
The pizzles, which are frozen or dried before export, are rich in protein, vitamins, calcium, magnesium and hormones and low in cholesterol.
Variety is the spice of life.
Pizzles can be consumed in various ways – defrosted and eaten; mixed with alcohol, which is then drunk; served in soup; or dried and made into capsules or a paste.
....One can imagine Pizzle eateries popping up everywhere. Pizzle on a stick.
Will Pizzle be popping up at a highland games near you?
One of the many Chinese athletes who use old-style remedies is Yao Ming, the star basketball player who said in April he would use traditional medicine to aid his recovery from ankle surgery. He said: "There is no reason to dismiss it. It's been used in our country for thousands of years."
Finlay Clark, secretary of the Association of Deer Management Groups, an independent body representing those who manage Scotland's deer populations, said: "I have never tried it, but if there are any Scots athletes who want to give it a go I'm sure we could arrange it. However, I'm sure our gold medals have been won by sheer dedication and hard work."
A kilt lifter for sure !