Gender War, Tolerance and Goodwill
I have studied and written about the gender war for a long time. There are any number of things that can be done to reduce the nastiness of this conflict; but the ultimate solution is this: Tolerance and goodwill.
Tolerance means accepting that, while the next person may be different from you, she still has valuable qualities - often valuable qualities that you yourself do not have. People are different; and while both men and women are similar in their capacity for will, choice and intelligence, their emotional and sexual natures are different and will always be different. Tolerance recognizes that this is a positive rather than a negative, and it chooses to value and respect something different from itself for that reason.
If you are an engineer who is paired with an artist, it is bound that you and she will think differently from one another. Intolerance tells you to persecute her for differences from how you think; tolerance tells you to respect these differences and realize them to be a positive. Good things have come out of both engineering and the arts, and it is important that both pursuits be recognized and valued. And that also includes realizing that different modes of cognition are necessary for each pursuit, and that these modes of cognition will not always be compatible with each other.
Similarly, the differences between women and men are for the most part beneficial ones. They complete each other. Men will be men and women will be women; and while there are men who hold women being women against them - and there are women who hold men being men against them - both are deeply in the wrong. Men and women are different. Tolerance honors these differences and allows people who are wired differently from one another to work together for mutual good instead of tearing apart one another.
Another part is goodwill. Goodwill means just that: Wishing well for the next person and wanting their benefit and their happiness. While it may be unrealistic to expect everyone to have goodwill toward everyone else, it is realistic to expect everyone to have goodwill toward their partners. If you don't have goodwill to your partner, then you are wasting your life and you are wasting her life by being with her. Find someone whom you would respect. With 7 billion people in the world, there is bound to be such a person.
As for people who have ill will toward the other gender as such, they simply should not be having anything to do with the other gender. On this matter far more honest is the stance of the lesbian feminist to that of the straight misogynist. The lesbian feminist hates men and avoids men; the straight misogynist hates women, then he goes hunting for women and treats them like trash. Quite simply, if you have ill will toward the other gender, then it makes no sense to have anything to do with the other gender. And if you decides that you want things such as companionship, or sex, or cooking and cleaning, that the other gender has to offer, then it is your duty to do your part in the exchange and to treat the partner rightfully.
On this we see statements such as "women: can't live them, can't live without them." By deduction: Can't live. The person with such an attitude fails to learn how to live in a fulfilling manner and then blames women for his misery. This is a game. More, it is extreme dishonesty. The women who find themselves in the lives of such men are, for the most part, women of goodwill; and it is wrong that they be getting scapegoated for things that aren't their doing. A bad woman would have nothing to do with such men; and the one who would deserves a better treatment than is afforded by men with this attitude.
Ultimately any relationship is an exchange; and that means each side doing its part in it. If a man gets things of value from the relationship, then it is his duty to reward his partner with good treatment. And if the woman is a bad person, as he says that she is, then he should walk. The men who get things of value from women and then beat up on the women or think that the women are evil are, basically, thieves. They get what they want from the woman; but instead of treating her rightfully in return they become abusers. This is injust, and this is dishonest; and the men who perpetrate these rackets have no business claiming to be righteous or to possess integrity or to have honor of any kind.
There are women who practice similar rackets as well, and I've been acquainted with some of them. Some women have ill will toward men, and their modus operandi is to seduce a noble-minded liberal man and see him as the embodiment of the patriarchy and treat him as if he was the Taliban. These women would not begin to dare to mess with a real misogynist or a real abuser. They know what would happen. Instead they go for men who are willing to treat women right - and treat him wrong in return out of the consideration that, well, he is another man.
Both the men and the women of goodwill deserve better than to be made punching bags for the people of ill will in either gender. And the first part of the solution is for these people to get together with one another, where they are both treating each other rightfully. This will work for them; but it will also work for society. Goodwill be incentivized, and ill will will be disincentivized. And the result will be better lives for people across the board.
The more people of goodwill get together, the fewer become victims of people of ill will. The more there is a competitive pressure on the people of ill will to change their ways, or see the other gender leave in large numbers to be with people who would be better to them. When set free to choose their partners across the board, the people will gravitate toward those who would treat them better. This incentive mechanism will reward goodwill and punish ill will; and that too will go a long way toward improving the way in which people get treated in relationships - improving for that reason the lives of both women and men.