Guide to Gay Life: Talking to your gay son about sex
Ramon Johnson from About.com Guide to Gay Life offers guidance for moms on how to talk to their gay son about sex.
Johnson, who was named GLBT Person of the Year by GayAgenda.com in 2008, started exploring his sexuality around the age of 17. In his home, however, their was a certain silence surrounding sex. Yet, Johnson posits a mom can open conversations by creating a safe environment where a gay son feels comfortable talking about sex.
Few teens want to talk to their parents about sex, but that doesn't mean they're not looking for guidance. In order to open dialogue, there must be trust. He has to know that you'll be open to the conversation, which is an opportunity for you to talk about the appropriateness of sex as he begins to explore.
Open Conversations and Build Trust
Open conversations by being affirmative. My most fruitful conversations with my mom were had when she became my mentor and guide as opposed to an authority figure. Be direct, but humanize the situation and let him see you as a person who once explored their sexuality, went on first dates, had relationships and met men that were both good and bad for you. Tell him what worked and what didn't and how some actions led to others.
Sexuality aside, a man is a man and you have experiences that you can share with him. Help him make the best decisions possible and leave a door open for him to come to you at times when things don't go as expected.
Also, understand that he may not come around right away. I've learned after many years mentoring LGBT kids that just because they're not talking doesn't mean they're not listening. So, be proactive and create a safe space for him to get the support he needs at home.
Resources for Parents
Many parents of gay kids have found guidance, support and advice in the Gay Life forum and PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has local chapters that provide support services for parents with LGBT kids. I also recommend the personal accounts of Deborah Hawkins at Is Your Child Gay? for additional tips from the perspective of a mother with a gay son.
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Ledgewood, New Jersey, United States