Highlight of the Day: "If I am lost it's only for a little while."

Well, it was a fun weekend, and like any roller coaster you need to come down.

Now let me set this straight: I love autumn and I love rainy days. However, today I felt the onset of a mild depression -- that this stage of my life isn't where I wanted it to be. Of course, my mom lecturing me to find a stable job only enhanced my moodiness. It also didn't help when she kept saying, "WHAT IF ME OR YOUR DAD DIED SOON...?" I completely understand her concern and the necessity to find a career, but what she doesn't know it's not fucking easy for me to find a permanent job. I'm trying. It's a competitive market in a shitty economy.

So I sat at the parking lot of Goodwill contemplating my life and its direction, the life of my friends, who are my real friends, and the future. All in all, I pondered whether or not happiness is an actual, attainable thing. It's a very murky question, but I believe that each of us aren't searching for happiness in life, but rather satisfaction in life. Yes, there are moments of happiness: celebrating your birthday with all your friends, making love to a significant other, seeing a son or daughter graduate college... but if you think about it, all we are searching for is being content with ourselves. It's a cliche to want your life to be the most exhilarating and all smiles and shiny happy people; it's realistic to feel "okay" with what you're doing.

Knowing that my current living and occupational situations are far from satisfactory, I dropped off my mom and sat in my car with my dog, badly craving a cigarette. As I grew increasingly frustrated with myself and my mom's redundant lecturing, I looked up at the sky and realized why I'm doing this project: to find a simple, positive thing each day as to not fall into old emotions.

Yes, I found beauty: a small stretch of golden, afternoon sky began shining through the gray clouds.

I popped in Band of Horses' Everything All The Time, and my mood immediately shifted. The orange, afternoon sky trying to peek through the gray clouds, Band of Horses' "Monsters" and "St. Augustine" playing in my car, my beloved dog resting her chin on my leg... I think I can make it through all of it. If the sun can overcome a rainy day, well, so can I.

"Monsters" by Band of Horses.

A tree for all these problems
They can't find you for the moment
Then for all past efforts
They're buried deep beneath
Your heart and somewhere in your stomach

And hey, transform all others
When awful people they surround you
Well hey, they're just like monsters
They come to feed on me
Giant little animals to feed

Though to say we got much hope
If I am lost it's only for a little while