the journey within - part 1

My Korean ex, Moonhee, loved the movie Sin Eater i think partly because of the handsome dude who starred the movie but also because of some profound truths presented by it. i saw the film years ago but only now 'get it' after part of my mystic journey within. (Always remember while reading these essays that She Always answers prayers.) Also remember that i have a psychology major so understand some of American human viewpoint of the human psyche. (Though of course, i disagree on many points.) Preface aside, we can begin to follow part 1 of my mystic journey within.

i meditated this morning laying in bed fully expecting to die today. i could feel pain and loss of sensation in my limbs as if blood refused to migrate there. But there was something else going on. She was teaching me yet another fundamental truth of our existence. Our egos are intimately tied to our pain (our lifelong gathering of pain). i'm not saying everyone mind you - just people like me who seem to cling to pain like Captain Kirk said so eloquently in one of the latter Star Trek movies "I need my pain!" We typically do. We cling to pain and self-pity much like the monkey in the proverbial lab i keep referring to (the surrogate mom psychology experiment).

The way i discovered this was by meditating laying down with my hands over my heart. The pain gathering in my hands (i assume from my life-long gathering in my heart) was excruciating. i visualized pushing the pain from my heart (using God Love) into my hands resting on my chest. (See how important visualization can be? Not just for physics..) i could NOT do this alone; for sure i needed Her help .. i have performed similar meditation before but not this deep and painful. Again, i fully expected to physically die this morning. i kept repeating to myself "i forgive me; please forgive me body (speaking to my physical body); i love You" over and over.. i believe these concepts (in the words) are Critical to our individual salvation: we MUST forgive ourselves before moving on to anything else, we must ask forgiveness from our physical shells for using and abusing them over the years just to satisfy desires or ego, and we must acknowledge and Love God in order to tap Her Power .. So i suggest you perform a 'ritual' of sorts just before you physically die. Keep repeating three phrases from your heart (just whisper them silently to yourself in your mind/heart):
i forgive me
please forgive me body
i love you ___
The last underscore is where you put your most cherished loved one's name. i know this goes against Buddhist teaching about attachment but i personally believe Love is NOT attachment. Love Is Love. Love is NOT attachment. So when we Love someone, truly love them, we union with God and do not need to fret about Buddhistic attachment. Love Is Love .. So since we cannot know when we individually are to die, i suggest performing above as a sort of meditation. When you are in a train, or paused at a stop light, or waiting in the doctor's office or any situation where you're bored and don't know what to do, meditate (from your heart) on those three phrases above. They may save your soul .. Not that i rabidly adhere to the concept of reincarnation nor do i claim being an expert on these things (more like an initiate) but i believe if we can replace our most cherished loved one's name with God (truly and from our hearts), if we desire (not in a negative way;) release from this cycle of reincarnation, we can be released forever into nirvana. This is just a guess on my part .. But take it as an educated guess. ;)