Is lying good for your relationship?
The desire or the need to share everything with anyone is not only utterly stupid and ridiculous but it is also extremely dangerous. Do you really think that everyone out there has the capacity to hear and process effortlessly and painlessly everything that you would like to say? For example, how often do you seem to be hitting a wall of total incomprehension, each time you elect to talk openly about what you desire in life? Have you ever wondered why you systematically find yourself surrounded by people who deliberately choose to discourage you from thriving and prospering every single time you express new ideas with much enthusiasm? Also, how many times have you been invited to share your point of view or your truth, before being severely punished for having voiced it? Isn’t it completely insane? It is indeed aberrant, yet it represents a reality to which most individuals are confronted on a constant basis.
To lie can certainly be deceitful, especially when it is intended to manipulate someone else with the implicit intention to hurt and harm. However, a lie can also be a wonderful means to buy oneself a very specific form of peace: inner peace. And without inner peace, a strong and unalterable sense of self cannot exist. And without a highly developed sense of self, personal expansion is not possible.
::: Is the belief that “honesty shall prevail” really pertinent after all?
How many times have you been punished for your honesty? Does this question even make any sense? Why would anyone choose to castigate another individual for having told the truth? Weren’t you taught that there is no other alternative but to be honest at all times, because this is the way “good” people must behave, anyway? If you want to live the “right” way, you have to be principled, trustworthy, and true not only to yourself but especially to others. This is the one rule that has been deeply entrenched inside your brain and that you better follow blindly. The problem is that blindfolding yourself, which equates to being unaware, gives you no other choice but to instantly become exposed. And someone else will always find ways to use this exposure to his or her advantage, and against you.
If you dare to mislead others, you have been warned! The consequences can be dreadful. If you lie or deceive, bad karma will hit you unexpectedly and relentlessly. Actually, this is what society and those who solemnly swear by its master plan want you to believe, so they can control, use abuse, and manipulate you at their convenience. Let’s face it, in this world there are not that many people who genuinely look out for your best interest. And those who do not are ready to utilize all the tricks imaginable, including the most deceitful and malicious ones, so they can obtain what they need from you, regardless of what may happen to you in the process. Do you think that confronting such people will have an impact on the way they have decided to conduct themselves? How often have you confronted someone, believing that he or she would ultimately recognize your intrinsic value? Did you end-up realizing that you were in reality solely fighting against your own self? Did you finally acknowledge that allocating efforts and energy towards defending yourself was a lost cause?
Has your honesty ever come back to haunt you? Have you ever felt compelled to deliver your truth about someone or something, with the sole intent to help? Have you ever alerted a parent, a friend, or a relative about the danger of becoming involved in a relationship with an individual that did not feel right to you? You had a terrible gut-feeling about that person, and you made it your duty to notify all interested parties. How did they react? Did they immediately embrace your wisdom and acknowledge your acute sense of observation or perception? Or did they instantly lash out at you for having taken the liberty to say something that they did not want to hear? To decide to be honest no matter what is a wonderful way to set yourself up for failure. What you know is oftentimes what someone else is irrevocably unwilling to see. What you want to share is frequently way too brutal for someone else to hear. To believe that honesty is a moral absolute must can be extremely dangerous, since your sense of authenticity can very likely clash with another person’s total absence of self-worth.
::: Can a lie help avoid a colossal drama?
There is information that should not be shared with everyone, even with those people you judge as being your most trustworthy, loyal, and devoted friends. To tell people what they cannot hear is a heresy. It is likely to trigger great turmoil in their lives. If you know that voicing your truth can awaken or fuel even more insecurities inside your interlocutor’s world, why would you choose to go there in the first place? “If you know” is actually the crucial point that needs to be discussed. When you make the (irrevocable) decision to be aware, for what reason would you create chaos all around you? Unless your intentions are to wreck and tarnish, it does not make any sense whatsoever. When you are conscious, you always know what you can share and what you should not disclose. It is not about concealing anything. You simply have to know what the other person can hear. This is an exercise that can certainly save you a lot of inextricable troubles if done diligently.
How often do you hear that relationships are healthy when couples do not keep any secrets from each other, and therefore share everything with each other? Honesty, truthfulness, and forgiveness are core values of this society. Anyone who chooses to live the “right” way on the “right” path, according to what the greater number judges as “right,” has no choice but to embrace them. Now, does it really work? Is it wise to tell anyone (spouse, lover, friends, or parents) everything? Is it considerate to tell anyone something you know he or she will have a very hard time hearing? The duty to deliver the truth at any time, whether it is imposed or self-imposed, is also a heresy. It creates an obligation of transparence that so many people are not ready to accept, if what they see or hear does not correspond to what their comfort zone is ready to accommodate. Once this zone starts shaking, their only choice is to be defensive and to retaliate.
Are you presently in a relationship where you have deliberately decided not to talk to your partner, because you systematically need to conceal the reality of things? This is very much different from being aware of what the other can or cannot hear. There are many men and women involved in relationships who refuse to face what is required from them in regard to their relation. The reasons are diverse. The fear of the partner’s reaction to anything is one. The total inability to step-up to the plate and do whatever it takes to ensure the relationship’s sustainability or, potentially, its expansion is another one. In all scenarios, they choose to bury their head in the sand and endure. Ultimately, the finality is the same. They place all the responsibilities on their partner’s shoulders without letting the partner know about it. Most relationships are based on similar dynamics, and those can never expand.
There are folks who are intrinsically mean and nasty. Such individuals never hesitate to tell you what their truth is about you, simply because they know that it pushes your buttons and makes you react. They literally thrive on creating as much turmoil as they possibly can in your world. Their objective is to produce great chaos and damages. They want you to suffer. They are able to achieve their malicious plots, by knowing exactly when and where to hit. And they know so, thanks to you. Your desire and then your choice to open-up, so you can appear more relatable and palatable to others, gives them all the ammunition that they need to attack you. To open-up to someone is fine. However, it is critical to remain fully aware of the information that you elect to share. Is this other person ready to receive it now? You certainly do not have to give it all away right away, especially if you are aware that it could be used against you at some point down the road. You are not concealing anything. You are just being smart, and there is never anything wrong with being smart.
Let’s be honest; if there were no little lies here and there, our society would be in an even greater shamble than it is today. Who is truly willing to hear the blunt truth all the times? How many people do you know crumble as soon as they are exposed to the truth? So do you lie to protect them, or to make your life a bit easier in the process?
Let’s be honest one last time; we are mostly surrounded by idiots who are totally unpredictable. Therefore why not lying to them, so they do not get alarmed, lose it, and make our existence impossible?