March 30 29/365 - Sleeping with the Enemy

For FGR "Sunday Confessional" Day and my 365 project.

My confession: I sleep with my biggest enemy. Or perhaps, more accurately, I sleep because of my biggest enemy - Ambien.

I have to take a sleeping pill every night or I physically can't sleep. I'd just be awake all night. It didn't start out too bad. I had some insomnia, but eventually would fall asleep. Then it progressed to waking up every three hours or so each night. So finally, my doc gave me Ambien (Zolpidem Tartrate). And thanks to the makers of the great drug, I am able to sleep every night.

But, sleep is now the least of my problems. If there is a side effect to Ambien, I've got it.

Depression - Check
Overly vivid dreaming - Check
Hallucinations - Check
Mood swings - Double check
Irritability - Check
Suicidal thoughts - Check
Sexual side effects - *sigh* Check
Drowsiness the following day - Check

I'm a shell of the man I used to be. But I can't stop taking it. I've tried. It's a non-addictive drug, but all that means is that I don't crave it. I just have to use it nightly. When I don't take it, the effects are not pretty.

This was hard for me to open up about, so please forgive my rambling story. I'm a journalist, so you'd think I'd be able to make it sound better, but not tonight. Sorry all.

I also have no idea why I put a half-assed Sepia looking tone on this. I should have just left it alone. Oh well.