The Real Gender War
I have known many people, both women and men, who have been abused or are being abused by their partners. Most severe cases have been women at hand of men; but I've also seen enough woman-on-man nastiness. I am not going to accept the Christian explanation that all people are evil by nature. I do, however, have a real-world proposal for how this kind of thing can be reduced.
People who are conducting themselves in a venal manner will only stop either if they figure out that it's the wrong thing to do, or if there is a powerful external reason to change their behavior. Regrettably in many cases the latter does need to take place. There needs to be an incentive on both men and women to be good to their partners, and this will result in more people treating each other better. The people who realize wrongness of bad behavior and are willing to cut it out themselves should be allowed to do that and even have help in figuring out how to do it. For others, there need to be powerful real-world incentives to change their ways.
What I propose, in adjudicating relationship disputes, is a quantification based on the severity of the nastiness committed. The man who is ugly to his wife should lose; the woman who is ugly to her husband should lose. And whoever commits greater nastiness should lose the most. The quantification must be made with the eye toward demanding of both partners a better treatment of the other. This should extend not only toward physical acts of violence but also to things that are said and things that are done.
At the social level, the ideas that teach women to be nasty to men, like the ideas that teach men to be nasty to women, must be defeated. Both sets of beliefs are evil, and vast numbers of innocent people needlessly suffer vastly from each. While much is said about a gender war, a much more relevant gender war is this: Between men and women who want to be good to the other gender - and the men and women who do not.
For this reason there also should be a sizable inter-cultural mix for marriage. This will result in men from cultures where men are good to women and women are bad to men getting together with women from cultures where women are good to men and men are bad to women. For the participants, this will create positive-sum relationships in which they treat one another far better than they otherwise would be treated. And for everyone else, this will create a powerful incentive to change their behavior - for, if they do not, they get to lose their potential partners to people abroad who are willing to be better to them.
The worst behavior I've seen in relationships is that of persecution. One partner decides that the other partner is bad for one or another reason and becomes their enemy. It's not just a wrong; it is also a game. If the partner really is bad, then one shouldn't be with the partner; and if one not only stays in the relationship but does everything he can to keep the partner in the relationship, then he is a conman. It is time to turn the tables on all conmen - both male and female - who pull this or related tricks. And to be attacked here is not the personality of the person being persecuted. To be attacked here is the persecutor.
Women becoming mean and aggressive is not progress, and men beating up on their wives is not righteousness. In both cases a severe wrong is done. In both cases the gender becomes the worst thing it can be. And in both cases innocent people suffer results of ugly attitudes.
Most people will have relationships, and most people will have a family life. This reality must be recognized, and choices must be made and provisions must be taken to ensure that this is a positive experience both for the men and the women involved. And this means encouraging goodwill among the genders instead of hatred among the genders, resulting in children being brought up in loving environments.
The real issue is not which gender wins, but who in which gender wins. The men who are willing to be good to women should win; so should women who are willing to be good to men. The men who want to beat up on their wives and girlfriends and women who want to be ugly to men should come at the losing end of this real gender conflict. And the result will be more people having a reason to be good to their partners, resulting in more people treating their partners well.