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Researchers are Complete Idiots!
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by Barry Artiste | February 25, 2009 at 01:51 am
248 views | 10 Recommendations | 14 comments
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Barry Artiste Op/Ed
Okay, which is it? Make up your Friggin Minds and Get your Collective shit together.
Researchers, the bane of us all, in which many feel are on this earth to SUCK Government Research Grants Dry, can never agree on anything. Wine is good, reduces Cancer, then another Festering Boil of a Researcher comes our Wine is Bad, it causes Cancer.
Now today in conjunction with the Wine Theory story above, they say if you "Toss one off" in the bathroom while Feeding Grandma Bacon in the Bathtub, while Grandma washes her herself with a Rag on a Stick, you can get Prostrate Cancer, yet for decades Researchers said "Frequent 21 Gun Salutes" in your Pants reading one handed Publications prevented Prostrate Cancer? I tell you me and my brother Skeeter will have to find something else to do now on those Rainy Cloverdale Friday nights! I am pissed! And so is Grandma, cause she really, really loves them Bacon Strips!
Something tells me we should do whatever the hell we want and screw they Rat Bastard Schizo Wanks and their theories. The only theory I have ever subscribed to is Ann Elk, whose theory, "Ahem" is a Brontosaurus is AHEM! long and skinny at one end, AHEM and fat in the middle...........AHEM! and long and skinny at the other end! That is her theory and that is True~!
Even moderate drinking raises cancer risk
Drinking just one alcoholic drink a day significantly increases a woman's cancer risk, a large new study finds.
The study found that low to moderate drinking was linked to an increase in cancer risk and may account for nearly 13 per cent of the cancers of the breast, liver, rectum, and upper digestive tract combined.
The findings are in the online issue of the Journal of the National Cancer Institute.
The researchers examined the effect of alcohol consumption on women's cancer risk using the Million Women Study, which included almost 1.3 million middle-aged women in the United Kingdom.
Those women in the study who drank consumed, on average, one drink per day - which the study authors considered typical in most high-income countries such as the U.K. and Canada.
They found the risk of any type of cancer increased with increasing alcohol consumption, as did the risk of some specific types of cancer, including breast cancer, liver cancer and rectal cancer. Women who also smoked had an increased risk of mouth and throat cancers.
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090126/sex_prostatecancer_090126?s_name=&no_ads= Frequent sex linked to higher prostate cancer risk
Updated Mon. Jan. 26 2009 10:31 AM ET CTV.ca News Staff
Men who are very sexually active in their twenties and thirties are at greater risk for developing prostate cancer, a new study suggests, especially if they are frequent masturbators.
British researchers asked more than 800 men - about 400 cancer patients and 400 who do not have cancer - about their sexual history, including the number of partners they have had, how frequently they have sex and how often they masturbate.
Among other findings, the team learned that men with prostate cancer were among the subjects who reported having sex with the greatest frequency. Of the subjects who had been diagnosed with cancer: * Forty per cent of men in their twenties fell in the highest frequency category, reporting that they had sex 20 or more times per month, compared to 32 per cent in the control group.
* Thirty-four per cent of men in their twenties reported that they masturbated frequently, compared to 24 per cent in the control group.
Guess Me and Skeeter will have to go back to "Mango and J Lo Porno videos" sigh!
http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoaftdXh.html
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Barry Artiste
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Fripouille
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René
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Tel Aviv-Yafo, Israel
Most RecentMost Recommended Comments (14)
at 01:59 on February 25th, 2009
Me too, funny though what about all the winos in DTES, hell they seem healthier than most, at least they do not seem to have cancer, only delusions, much like these Researchers
at 02:22 on February 25th, 2009
I refuse to give up my regular wine tasting. Drink it with joy and we will all be fine. If we listen to these characters and their so-called studies we would have killed ourselves a long time ago.
at 05:38 on February 25th, 2009
Thanks Tik, I like how you say "We would have Killed ourselves" instead we would have died a long time ago! HA
at 07:32 on February 25th, 2009
Seems like they pick their agenda and manipulate whatever questionalbe research they actually do to justify it.
at 10:00 on February 25th, 2009
I really wanted to recommend this but I was so confused by your intro Barry - I got lost before I even got to the highlight... :(
at 10:04 on February 25th, 2009
On that note, I nearly wrote this story as I did not recognize the headline as having anything to do with the subject - luckily Amy pointed it out and a repetition was avoided. This is a great example to members that though a story is comprehensive, well written and engaging, if the headline does not accurately represent what the story is about it can easily get lost in the shuffle.
At any rate, thanks for this piece Barry! It's definitely confusing when one study says moderate drinking is good for you (ie. lowers heard disease) and another says it's bad (ie. raises cancer risk).
at 15:24 on February 25th, 2009
Thanks to everyone for your comments, certainly the title cannot be confusing once you read the story. As well someone in Now Public and editor who will remain nameless to protect Tina Kells privacy mentioned I should jazz up my headlines to get more attention and hits.
at 15:26 on February 25th, 2009
There ya go I changed the title so no one gits cornfused!
at 03:23 on February 26th, 2009
I don't know what the original title said, but I do know that I'm horrified by the conclusion!
No alcohol, no sex, and we live longer?
Euhhhh this may seem like a dumb question, but who the hell wants to live a long time with no alcohol and no sex?
Yours,
Confused.
at 06:04 on February 26th, 2009
Dont say you're confusing, cause Confusion causes Cancer!
at 06:34 on February 26th, 2009
Stop breathing because it will produce cancer. In some more then others. But wait. This info just hit the cable news in the US. Boy! what a waste that someone will now stop drinking the incredible blessing called wine.
at 08:47 on February 26th, 2009
lol! I wonder if anti-confusion tablets exist, and, if they do, are they refunded by the Social Security department? (Or do those tablets give us Ebola as an inconvenient side-effect...?)
at 12:39 on February 26th, 2009
Was that guy being paid by the beer industry? Or the Scotch? Or the vodka? or by Jack Daniels?
at 12:45 on February 26th, 2009
Dunno René, but I'd do that kind of dumb research for them anytime (JD in paricular) if they paid me in bottles of it!!