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Sad and Afraid, Young and Lonely....And Suicidal
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by Fripouille | February 19, 2009 at 09:58 am
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Around 5% of French students try to commit suicide each year, and hundreds of them succeed.
I was on a bus a short while ago. A sad looking young woman got on and sat down next to me. After a few moments she asked me if I knew where she should get off the bus to get to the hospital. She spoke even sadder than she looked.
-Sure – I anwered, and told her.
Then she looked at me and.......she just burst into tears. Right there beside me. Hard. Really deep and desperate tears. Her whole body was shaking.
I tried to comfort her and she quietened down a little. She rested her head on my shoulder and wept softly until we got to her stop.
I was just about to ask her if she wanted me to accompany her to the hospital, when she asked me if I wouldn’t mind talking with her a few minutes.
We went into a cafe – coffee for me and apple juice for her.
She told me that she was a law student and that she was feeling suicidal and was worried she’d do it and that she just couldn’t handle things any more. She was from a small village in the north of France, and big city university life was just too much for her and she missed her family but she couldn’t tell them how she was feeling because she feared her parents would not understand.
Other students had tried to befriend her she said, but she was just too estranged here in Lyon and she never ever went out in the evening, and so, little by little, the others had left her in her corner. Now she was missing classes and feeling more and more detached from herself and knew it. That worried her but she could not pluck up the courage to tell anyone about how bad she felt. She had stopped eating too.
And she said....- I just can’t stop thinking of killing myself. It’s like a compulsion but it almost seems like a kind of refuge. I think about it all the time and I imagine myself doing it often but I’m too scared to do it right now. I’m just worried that I may just do it soon, because I feel worse and worse with each passing day. –
We talked for over half an hour. I just wanted to persuade her to phone her parents now, tell them what was happening, and to go to the hospital after that if she still needed to.
She said that she would consider doing so but that right now she needed to go for a walk, alone, to clear up her ideas a little.
She thanked me for the apple juice.
Then she got up and left.......
......She was wearing jeans, a blue jacket, and she had blond hair with a clasp at the top.
__________
As I said, Around 5% of French students try to commit suicide each year in France, and hundreds of them succeed.
It’s so sad to think of all these young people wandering around big cities feeling lonely and distressed - so distressed that they feel compelled to break down in front of complete strangers. I know that’s just life, but it still makes me feel angry and powerless to know that there is so much unhappiness and solitude around.....
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Most RecentMost Recommended Comments (37)
at 10:43 on February 19th, 2009
Thanks for reporting on this important issue, Fripouille.
at 11:19 on February 19th, 2009
This is a very important issue, as you say Rachel.
I'm a little older now, but I went to university too, and I remember the lonely and uncertain moments, those moments when I began to realise that the world isn't just "After college it's university then my career".
No. I suddenly realised that the world was bigger than I thought it was, and that it didn't just revolve around me and my dreams any more........
But no-one tells us that before we go there...
at 11:07 on February 19th, 2009
I hope she was ok.
at 11:24 on February 19th, 2009
I hope so too.....very much. She was just some student. But she cried on my shoulder......
at 12:23 on February 19th, 2009
That is a staggering statistic.
at 12:42 on February 19th, 2009
Well, that's how it seems to be. I tried hard to find figures, but French society and government is less forthcoming on those issues than it is in the USA, so figures are difficult to find (go try!), but I know both countries, and I know that in France there is, for example, a severe problem of student lodgings that does not exist (I think) in America.
Did you know that some students here sleep in tents? Caravans?
Thanks for commenting Harringtola...
at 14:57 on February 19th, 2009
I had no idea of those living conditions. That seems like it would make student life and academic gain very difficult and increase pressure.
at 15:12 on February 19th, 2009
That's how it is harringtola. Almost everyone has the right to go to university here. Upside? Democratic. Downside? Not at all democratic in practice, because not everyone can cut it intellectually, and some come from backgrounds that make it hard for them in terms of day-to-day-reality...and so harder is the fall.....
35% of university students here leave university (or are disqualified) before two years are up...
at 15:56 on February 19th, 2009
Yes, suicidal. And i think girls are the most common of this. Actually, i am one of them. But thanked god i pass this situation. It's like when you felt so depressed and you don't even know what to do then get confused on everything, It's hard to be a prison of your owned sadness.
at 16:05 on February 19th, 2009
Azhelle,
Those are very touching words. It seems to me that you are French. Thank you for writing, and, in particular, thank you for these very elegant words..
"It's hard to be a prison of your owned sadness".
Merci. Joliment dit........
at 16:13 on February 19th, 2009
She did at least talked about it and I hope she committed her self to the Hospital as well.
I know what this is like and the signs are difficult to read many times. My Daughter did made the attempt and was fortunate to survive it. The worth is when some family member try to hide it and see it as a shame wish does not help the one struggling at all.
at 16:34 on February 19th, 2009
Exactly Paschen.
Kids want to say it but their parents can't hear it, or parents want to know but their kids can't express it....
Whatever, the result is the same.
Statistics.....
Thank you for commenting...and I'm so glad your child is still here, heart beating, the future...
at 16:57 on February 19th, 2009
Japan has the highest rate of suicide, followed by France? In 2007 there were 30,000 cases and the figure is increasing year-on-year. A new recent phenomena is "group suicide" people meet each other on the internet and commit suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning using a charcoal burner, usually in a car or hotel room. A more dangerous phenomena is suicide by deadly poisonous gas which has also killed other innocent people, including I believe one rescuer.
Its of great concern the number of young people taking their lives because of bullying or failing to live up to the expectations of their parents.
Unlike a Christian country, suicide in Japan is acceptable and expected in cases when a person cause great trouble for others or brings shame to the family from some wrongful action.
The case decided here is moving and probably typical that if some help can be found many can get over the depression.
Good post
at 17:36 on February 19th, 2009
Hi Laughing Samurai!
As you imply (and as I was talking about with Cypresso) this is cultural. And it would seem that in terms of young people killing themselves, the lines are beginning to be less definitively drawn between east and west.
Suicide is not "acceptable" here, but its incidence is increasing, and questions are going to have to be asked one of these days......
The keyword here is "help".
It's so important for people in that situation...
And there isn't enough of it.
Thank you as usual....!
at 16:58 on February 19th, 2009
is there any research anyone can recommed about the reasons for this behaviour, i am not sure where / what to look at. it would be good to get some insight into why this is happening, more than just anecdotal evidence, is there research that can be recommended?
at 17:27 on February 19th, 2009
Hi Luke, there's a lot of stuff out there. If you're French, google "suicide etudiants france chiffres" or if you're not, do it in english...
Hope that helps.
Oh, and glad you appreciated the "anecdote"......
at 17:29 on February 19th, 2009
Luke, I think it is best to call the local or closed Hospital that specializes in this. There are also help lines in place in many countries that can direct you to the proper channels.
Further each case is some what unique and at times difficult to read the signs. Your best move would be to call a help line or a Hospital and those can be fund in phone book or by calling information.
Take care and I hope that helped.
at 17:49 on February 19th, 2009
You want to commit suicide because you were raised in such a way that the imposed morality and ideals, their introjection, did you harm, separating you from your true self.
When the unreal in your character parasitizes you and you don't get the reward for the effort at meeting these unreal goals because it is more or less inherently impossible, you get suicidal.
The world is as it is supposed to be.
As Alexander Lowen, the innovative bio-energetic therapist said, people facing death, disease, insect plagues on the Great Plains of the US a hundred and fifty years ago were less depressed than the people of today.
The question is: what have we been doing to the young to create so many people at odds with themselves?
at 18:02 on February 19th, 2009
"The world is as it is supposed to be"
I'll buy that Roy. Except that it isn't "we" who did it.
I didn't do nuthin', not bein' catholic and guilty an' all, that did things wrong,, it's just the evolution of society. We are a link in that chain, of course, but what's happening to kids now isn't "we", which means "ours" which means "mine".
It means accepting things for what they are without being so messed-up that "we" think it's "our" fault.....
That thinking is part of the problem, not part of the solution, in my view. Who makes kids feel so guilty?
"WE" Do.........
Well, "we" is not me here, and I'll include myself out if I may........
at 18:06 on February 19th, 2009
A great book on depression: Alexander Lowen's Depression and the Body.
at 18:15 on February 19th, 2009
Yes, we all did Fripouille and we are all more or less in part or fraction responsible for the state of the world with every action and inaction we take and with all our daily activities and values. We are responsible and that may be part of the problem that we do not want to see our own responsibility in this World and our society as we should.
at 18:23 on February 19th, 2009
That is true Paschen. It's just that I don't believe that the problems raised in the post are due to "us".
Us as in all those who went before and including us, yeah, but Us as in our generation loused up, I do not do.
Of course our children are a result of what went before, but "what went before" goes back a long way, if you see my point....
We are not "responsible", any more than they should be held responsible for their kids. It's a humanity thing, not an egotistical catholic "me" guilt thing.......
at 18:49 on February 19th, 2009
I differ on that with you, I say we are. as soon as we see a problem, an injustice, a malaise, an Infraction and so on and become aware of it yet fail to do any thing about it or to correct it and take responsibility, we then become part of the problem and there for are guilty as charged.
I learned that from my late Grand Father and live by it. I once asked him as a young Teen "Why did you not stop the NAZI and let our Country fall to such shame?" He was a WM Officer in WWII and part of Rommel His Army, most of those officers where in great trouble as they plotted to assassinate Hitler yet failed miserably.
His reply was simple yet a wake up call for me. He said. "I hope that never ever any of your Children or Grand Children will ever have to ask you that question, live your life by it so it wont happen."
We are responsible and better start acting that way, that is what I believe and live by.
at 01:42 on February 20th, 2009
Yes, we are responsible for our own actions, and what we do can affect the whole of history. Van Stauufenberg nearly succeeded. If Hitler had just been somewhere else in the room when the bomb went off, things would have been different today. The whole of history would have been different even.....
Thanks Paschen....
at 17:52 on February 19th, 2009
Hi Fripouille,
Hmmm, I think we are missing one important point here. My personal experience is that comparing City born students and those coming from remote towns / villages is like comparing apples to prawns. Ofcourse city creatures do a better job in surviving in their habitat - they are cute and shiny as apples.
But, village prawns have more chance to survive when the push comes to shove. They usually wiil have the raw talent to see through things and because of that they get used to the ultra competetive lifestyle of our "now world" faster.They can take more beating - emotional or otherwise - and yeah, they give it back good also. They usually try to see things in black and white. Yes, it is true that they need the support of their family , but that is only during the initial time. Once they learn to swim in the hard waters, there is no stopping them for them. Yes, some do perish in the long journey to adulthood, but that is how nature is. But, if too many does not make their destination, it only means that the water they try to live does not support life.
.Agent.
PS. This is not about the life of prawns. I know cipher about sea life even after watching too much of Nationa Geographic..!
at 18:09 on February 19th, 2009
Very cool.
In other words, people have lost touch with what's essential, (if I've understood correctly..)
Great corollary...!
Thanks IE, and nice to see you!
at 18:34 on February 19th, 2009
Sad story Frip. But maybe she just needed to know that somebody gives a dam about her, and maybe your kindness provided that. I believe that if a person can hang on through those darkest moments there is the possibility of turning a corner - somehow somewhere a light can go on. I hope and pray that time on the bus was one of those moments for that young lady. Why else would you 'happen' to have been there? Kind regards, YG.
at 01:48 on February 20th, 2009
Hi YG! You may well be right there. I certainly hope so. As you say, sometimes we just need to know that we exist for others, that they care for us, that they are there for us...Because feeling alienated can do terrible things to a person....As for my being there,I sort of have the same feeling.
As you surely know yourself, helping others is what helps us too. I thought about that youg lady ofter in the days that followed. It changed something in me too.....
at 19:38 on February 19th, 2009
Excellent post, Fripouille. You probably had an impact on her she will never forget. Its the kind of incident we tend to remember whenever we feel down. Good for you for giving her such time.
at 19:38 on February 19th, 2009
Excellent post, Fripouille. You probably had an impact on her she will never forget. Its the kind of incident we tend to remember whenever we feel down. Good for you for giving her such time.