Should there be any compassion for those who commit suicide?
I have always thought that suicide is certainly the most selfish act that someone can commit. It is absolutely ruthless and it totally dismisses the sentiments, concerns and generosity of those who truly care about the one who has taken his or her own life. For example, have you ever noticed that suicides barely ever happen on a random date? They tend to occur on a holiday, on a birthday or on the day of an anniversary. The number of people who have committed suicide on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day is quite overwhelming. What does it say about the true motive that lies behind the choice to kill oneself? Is it really about ending one’s life because existence has become such an unbearable burden? Or is it rather intended to fulfill simultaneously two agendas: insufflate great guilt, while perpetually imprinting the memories of the loved ones, by picking a symbolic date that cannot be ignored? In other words, as you are wishing your mate a very happy new year, there lies in the back of your mind the memory of your dear friend’s suicide. It is selfish because it completely disregards those men, women and children who are deeply affected and cannot comprehend what happened. And it is often times used to abuse those same folks by choosing in full-on awareness a day that will stay inside their psyche for ever.
Of course life can be a total pain! Of course people are not born equal! Of course accidents of life can strike at any time! Of course not everyone has the same capacity to deal with emotional hardship! But that does not grant anyone the right to commit suicide with the abject intent to take hostage those who care. It is not right to end one’s life as a means to hijack someone else’s emotions. This is dangerously narcissistic.
::: Is suicide a consciously premeditated choice?
It is always sad to see someone electing to leave this world with such violence. Suicide is a terribly violent act. However I do not think that it requires any form of courage. If it did, why would it surpass the strengths and fearlessness that embracing life changing decisions necessitate? It takes real guts to face one’s shortfalls and assess what needs to be shifted, so the light at the end of the tunnel can finally feel closer days after day. Unfortunately, most people would rather give up on themselves, instead of confronting those choices that they have repeatedly been making and that have never worked. They would rather affirm their righteousness by taking their lives away, instead of admitting that they were wrong and starting to think about solutions that would someday improve their existences. Suicide is the ultimate proof of one’s righteousness. Suicide is all about justifying an ego. It is self-centered and utterly dismissive of others. It is carefully planned to make a point that can never be debated or contradicted, since death obviously prevents such an exchange from happening.
Political correctness defines suicide as a means to put a final end to successions of sufferings that have become way too devastating. Even though it may certainly be true for some people who are alone and truly desperate, I generally find this definition to be quite far from what the reality truly depicts. Throughout the years, I have met so many men and women who found absolutely no joy in life. Although this may sound shocking or eventually upsetting to you, this observation that defies all senses of logic and contradicts key beliefs and dogmas is a reality that should not be neglected. But as much as they despise life, those people need to covertly and meticulously plan their exit, so it is remembered eternally. The unspoken mission is to find the best way that will perpetually hijack the emotions of those who stay behind and who genuinely care. It is twisted and abject, and it works all the time! John had always been resentful of his brother Jack’s professional success. Because John was unable to step up to the plate and create a life of his own, he decided that he had to make Jack pay. So he hung himself on Jack’s birthday. When Jack called me, he was bearing the guilt of not having “done more” for his deceased brother. As soon as we had identified John’s covert agenda, I can ensure you that the guilt instantly dissipated.
Suicide is a violent and highly abusive tool that is used to extort emotionally someone who cares. We are all familiar with the commonly accepted idea that failing at committing suicide is a cry for help. Is that so? I do not hesitate to call it “a narcissistic demand for unilateral and exclusive attention.” It is nothing more than an unfriendly and brutally hostile reminder. If you have ever been involved in a similar situation with a loved one, ultimately who had to change? When people genuinely need help, they use it so they can make unequivocal changes in their lives. Those who pretend that they need your help require that you change, that you adapt to their demands and that you continually fulfill their hidden and destructive agendas. The one who appears weak is in reality in full-on control of the situation. This is what society does not want you to see, because it is way too disturbing. Well, are you ready to embrace everything, including the utmost disturbing?
::: Is compassion an obligation or a choice?
If the strong one is in reality the manipulator who extorts everybody emotionally, in what category do you and your compassion fall? It is undeniably uncomfortable to admit that the one who is compassionate tends to be the one who is being used and abused relentlessly. But does it really matter? Isn’t projecting a positive image of yourself so much more important, anyway? Who cares how messed-up the needy one truly is as long as you flood him with tsunamis of your compassion and he somewhat acknowledges you for it! Well, this is stupid thinking. You may be thrown a bone here and there, but the core of the agenda will always subsist. The kinder you are with the person who refuses to change and who holds you hostage of your emotions, the deeper you get disconnected from all realities, including yours. Compassion is blindfolding when it is distributed without parsimony. When you have decided that it must be an automatism, you cannot be aware of the true motivations that push an individual to supposedly sabotage his or her life.
The choice (and not the obligation) to be compassionate allows you to assess whether your compassion is received with much gratitude. Per this society, to make it a choice is considered hideous. How dare you with all the misery that surrounds us at all times? So the temptation is quite high to make it an automatism and, therefore, consistently deny everything you have the power to be aware of. But isn’t it a reflection of the great scheme that lies behind all those rules that are systematically imposed on people? Isn't the master plan all about making sure that you do not remain in full-on control of your own self, so you surrender and blindly deliver what is expected of you? When everybody grieves, you’d better grieve as well otherwise it means that you refuse to fit-in. How can you not relate to your peers? You must not be different because that would make you socially inadequate. So your sole alternative is to follow the herd. What feels more attractive to you though? This is what truly matters. The rest is absolutely meaningless.
In a great majority of cases, suicide is a coward act, simply because the distress expressed by those who are left behind is never taken into account. It is systematically discarded. I am a huge advocate of self-empowerment. And the choice to leave this world falls into the realms of what self-empowerment means, when it is motivated by the conscious desire to die. I totally respect that. However a choice cannot be conscious when it excludes others. Consciousness is all about inclusion and not exclusion. The deliberate action that an individual takes by committing suicide, and that consists in disregarding those for whom he or she is responsible is utterly scandalous. It is absolutely abominable. It has nothing to do with empowerment or a conscious choice; it depicts a total lack of courage. It is cowardice. It is the ultimate cop-out; a shameful one. Such instance does not deserve your compassion. You must realize that the suicide is utilized as a pretext to mask an existence that is tarnished by successions of demeanors that only cowardice can accurately characterize.
My birthday: August 14. My wedding anniversary: September 27. I do not care about religious holidays and New Year. Thanks in advance…