Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired - Addiction can be Treated

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…Sick and tired of being sick and tired

This sentiment is echoed by many of our new clients. They are quite literally, “Sick and tired of being sick and tired.” By the time they arrive at The Orchard, the chemically dependent person has been riding the rollercoaster of addiction long enough for physical and emotional exhaustion to be a regular state of being. The chemical highs of intoxication that allow them to escape reality and numb their pain are tempered by a lack of nourishment and sleep; while the lows they experience when the chemicals wear off and they “come down” from their high are magnified as they once again come face to face with the problems in their lives and the pain they inflict on their loved ones. As these ups and downs occur against a background of inner longing, obsession and an overriding sense of helplessness, is it any wonder the addict is both sick and tired?

In North America, it is common for young people to experiment with alcohol and marijuana, the so-called gateway drugs. We tend to think of this as a normal part of growing up and harmless fun – even as the teenager’s rite of passage. For some people however, this behaviour is not so harmless. For them, it extends beyond mere experimentation, and regular use of these and other drugs occurs, eventually leading to abuse and dependency. Drug use becomes abusive when the user needs their substance of choice in order to feel normal.

How can an activity most of us engage in with no long-term negative effects have such devastating consequences for 15 to 20 percent of our population ? We can debate at length why certain people are predisposed to addictive behaviour and self-destructive tendencies, but a thorough assessment usually uncovers a combination of factors such as genetics, trauma, abuse, low self-esteem and peer pressure.

A user becomes and abuser when they turn to a substance for comfort and as a means of escaping or ignoring their problems. Lacking the emotional maturity and skills to deal with their problems head on, they look to mood-altering drugs and alcohol for solace. This tendency to replace inner emptiness with physical gratification has been referred to as, “Switching deck chairs on the Titanic,” a phrase that can encompass other addictions, such as to sex, work, food or gambling. An addict uses a substance or activity to cover up a real problem because she or he lacks the coping skills required to deal with the stressors of everyday life. At The Orchard, we understand addiction is a sickness with roots that reach deep into a person’s soul. We provide our clients with the guidance and support necessary to learn how to put aside the fears, grief, resentments and shame that form these roots, so that they may discover the new hope that can be found in clean and sober life.

Drug and alcohol dependency can be simply characterized by these three Cs: Control, Consequences and Compulsion. CONTROL refers to the loss of control a user experiences related to their usage of the substance in question. They cannot stop using it, despite negative outcomes or CONSEQUENCES. Negative consequences of uncontrolled drug and alcohol use can include the breakdown of relationships; problems at work; legal and financial troubles; lapses in moral, spiritual and ethical judgement; an increased tendency to engage in risky behaviour; and damage to the emotional, mental, and physical well-being of the user and their loved ones. As negative consequences accumulate, the addict returns to the drug more and more often, employing it as a coping mechanism when in fact it is the problem.

At the COMPULSION phase of dependency, the addict is consumed with thoughts and actions directly related to their drug use. They spend most, if not all, of their time planning when they will use next. At this point, the addict is incapable of experiencing healthy relationships with family, friends or colleagues at work. Their preoccupation with drugs and alcohol dictates who they associate with and where they go.

While the addict progresses down the path of self-destruction, well-intentioned loved ones attempt to influence day-to-day outcomes by providing inappropriate assistance. We call this type of assistance ENABLING, and it encompasses a very wide range of activities. Family and friends may lend the addict money, lie for them or make excuses for their behaviour. They are often reluctant to admit or acknowledge the extent of their loved one’s dependency problems and tend to think they can either solve them or help the addict maintain some level of normalcy. While delivered with the best of intentions, this type of help prevents the addict from experiencing the full consequences of their choices and actions and from reaching the place they need to reach – “rock bottom” – before they can acknowledge the severity and nature of their drug problem.

People who enable the addict are called co-dependents. Just like there are three Cs to characterizing addiction, there are three Cs to conquering co-dependency. The co-dependent person must realize that they didn’t CAUSE the addict’s drug problem, they cannot CONTROL it, and they cannot CURE it. Addiction affects the entire family and The Orchard strives to involve family members in the treatment process as much as possible. In many cases, our admissions staff will be in contact with family members before the client checks in to the primary care program. In addition, The Orchard provides ongoing Saturday family sessions for the people closest to our current clients. There is a 12-week aftercare program entitled “Building Resiliency”, which meets in West Vancouver, and we encourage loved ones and friends to seek out other opportunities for group therapy (i.e. Al Anon) and personal counselling to help break the cycle of co-dependency over the longer term.

Often the wrong person takes responsibility and experiences the guilt, shame and remorse, which can perpetuate self-destructive behaviour. Consequently, people are stuck in their poor choices where they continually let in the bad and resist the good. This is a BOUNDARY issue.

FEAR is often the primary condition that keeps an addict from accessing help and addressing change in their life. There is a fear of change in and of itself, but even stronger is the fear of the problems and pain the addict has put so much effort into hiding from. They will go to extraordinary lengths to minimize and deny the extent of their substance abuse in order to avoid facing these issues. 

DENIAL is one of the hallmarks of addiction. Denial is the psychological process that serves to keep the addicted person out of touch with reality, allowing them – in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary (i.e. job loss, marriage breakdown, the three packs of cigarettes they smoked last night, etc.) – to insist they still have things under control. Insidiously, the same disease that is causing so much damage in the person’s life also prevents them from recognizing the damage that is occurring.

Typically, an addicted person will refuse treatment until they have reached “rock bottom”. Rock bottom is a state that is unique to each individual and is usually characterized by a tragic or upsetting event – something the addict never thought could happen to them – accompanied by an epiphany of sorts, which finally convinces them that they do have a problem and they must seek and accept help. Throughout this painful process, it is important to remember that an addict is not a bad person who needs to be made good, but a sick person in need of help. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say or do to predict where someone else’s bottom is or speed up the process of getting there.

What we can do, is remove the blinders of denial by helping the addict recognize the extent of the damage that has been done to their lives and the hurt their addiction has inflicted upon those they love. This process is called an intervention. The Orchard works with a number of professional interventionists who assist families in convincing their loved ones to accept treatment. An intervention typically involves six to 10 friends and family members showing their caring and concern in a loving and structured process that is personalized for each individual. The goal of an intervention is to convince the addict to seek and accept help. In addition to halting the progression of the addict's disease, an intervention will have positive consequences for other participants. For instance, family members will begin understanding the impact their loved one's addiction has had on their own lives and start recognizing and examining their own co-dependent behaviours. Often the intervention heralds the beginning of the healing process for the whole family.

The addict’s admission or acknowledgement of the problem and their powerlessness to control it (Step 1), are the only prerequisites to RECOVERY. With honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, progress is not only possible, it is realistic.